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How to be a Woman...

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Rossco, Aug 30, 2005.

  1. Sure Fire Ways To Know You're A Woman

    1. Whine

    2. When asked if something is bothering you, you reply no.
    Then get mad when you are believed.

    3. Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties,
    start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior.

    4. Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.

    5. Whine.

    6. If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your
    almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to
    sleep, it's because he is lazy.

    7. If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.

    8. If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.

    9. Demand to be treated as an equal in everything. Except when paying
    for meals, plane tickets, concerts, beers, etc. These are required
    gifts proving his love.

    10. Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle,
    tell him you're irregular from all of the stress of your life.

    11. Remember that any woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend
    must be labeled a whore and your network of friends must be informed
    immediately to spread this as quickly as possible.

    12. Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about
    doing anything other than catering to your needs.

  2. it was nice knowing you Rossco!
    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  3. i think this would be best re-titled 'how to ensure you never ever have sex with a woman'
  4. Rossco obviously hasn't read the book on "How to Win Friends and Influence People" !!

  5. There'll be a few girls looking for you shortly.

    I'd recomend hiding. :)
  6. May i suggest Alaska, or somewhere remote in China?
    Either way, i hope you find the feel of a rusty spoon on your privates to be kinky.
  7. I'm actually surprised that this one didn't draw more fire from the girls. Maybe they're just too sensible to react to a wind-up like this????
  8. Nah I reckon they read it, but ran off in search of Rossco's blood before finishing the second line. :p

    Nice knowing ya!
  9. Seaford, virago...rossco, I'm on the lookout :twisted:
  10. See now you have got fireflings attention, you are so now history.


  11. Rossco, if 'fling is on your trail, I recommend you don't flinch: the eyes of predators are attracted by movement.
  12. Classic.

    He's likely to be "assimilated"
  13. Now Rossco what will your fiance think of all this......?? :twisted: :p

    (I promise i wont tell her)
  14. You bet - not worthy of the challenge
  15. I get depressed reading "jokes" like that. There's people out there that think this crap up, and they're only half joking.
  16. Well done Rossco,
    Sit back and watch them respond by way of your first example.
    Your a legend mate keep up the good work!
  17. There is a quote, but I can't quite remember it all but it goes something like this. "There is more truth spoken in jest than in all seriousness" or something along those lines. Too true. :D
  18. Indeed - it's a sorry state of affairs when you kinda chuckle at the joke, then realise it's not really a joke the more you think about it. :p
  19. Hey loz, you don't happen to sit down to pee by any chance do you? :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  20. Yes, the quote is actually, "There's many a true word spoken in jest."