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How men and women really think..

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by randy_rider, May 27, 2005.

  1. Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks
    her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few
    nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves.
    They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of
    them is seeing anybody else.

    And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to
    Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize
    that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

    And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud
    She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that.
    Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm
    trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or
    isn't sure of.

    And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

    And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of
    relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd
    have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we
    are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just
    going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading
    toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready
    for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

    And Roger is thinking: ... so that means it was ... let's see...February
    when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the
    dealer's, which means ... lemme check the odometer ... Whoa! I am way
    overdue for an oil change here.

    And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm
    reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship,
    more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed
    it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why
    he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of
    being rejected.

    And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission
    again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right.
    And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What
    cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a
    garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

    And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry,
    too. Darn, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the
    way I feel. I'm just not sure.

    And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty.
    That's exactly what they're gonna say, those scumballs.

    And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight
    to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a
    perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do
    care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in
    pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

    And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a
    warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right in their ....

    "Roger," Elaine says aloud.

    "What?" says Roger, startled.

    "Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to
    brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have . . Oh shoot, I feel so.....
    (She breaks down, sobbing.)

    "What?" says Roger.

    "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really
    know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

    "There's no horse?" says Roger.

    "You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

    "No" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

    "It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time," Elaine says.

    (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries
    to come up with a safe response.

    Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) "Yes," he says.

    (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) 'Oh, Roger, do you really feel
    that way?" she says.

    "What way?" says Roger.

    "That way about time," says Elaine.

    "Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

    (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to
    become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it
    involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

    "Thank you, Roger," she says.

    "Thank you," says Roger.

    Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured
    soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he
    opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply
    involved in a replay of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he
    never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that
    something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure
    there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's
    better if he doesn't think about it.

    The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them,
    and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In
    painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything
    he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word,
    expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible
    ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for
    weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never
    getting bored with it, either.

    Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of
    his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm,
    did Elaine ever own a horse?'
  2. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
  3. Hahahahaha.

    Class. :)
  4. hehehe bwahahaha :LOL:
    That's Brill.

    You've got to have your priorities.