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Hospital Notes

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Birdy, Jan 8, 2009.

  1. Don't know how many of you have hospital type backgrounds or have seen these, but these are funny enough to appreciate anyway.... this is the stuff your doctors might write in your charts...

    "Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."

    "On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."

    "The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993."

    "Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."

    "The patient refused an autopsy."

    "The patient has no past history of suicides."

    "Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."

    "Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."

    "She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."

    "She is numb from her toes down."

    "While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."

    "The skin was moist and dry."

    "Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."

    "Patient was alert and unresponsive."

    "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce."

    "The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead."

    "Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."

    "Skin: Somewhat pale but present."

    "Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree."

    "By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart stopped, and he was feeling better."

    "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."

    "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."

    "Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."

    "The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him."

  2. Those are gold. Love em :LOL:
  3. LOL

    Not Bad, I'll have to show the Fiance as she is a nurse, altho she's probably seen them in real life!