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Hold Me

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Brucey, Feb 8, 2006.

  1. I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
    much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
    never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
    FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
    bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't
    feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
    "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
    to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
    by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
    the bedroom? Realising that nothing was going to happen that night, I went
    to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
    her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
    unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
    several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
    take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
    compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
    went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond
    earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
    one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
    she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
    tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
    She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
    Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
    dear, let's go to the cashier". I could hardly contain myself when I blurted
    out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank
    as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?!" I then said "honey! I just want
    you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my
    financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a
    woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
    added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

    Not that far off the mark :LOL:

  2. :LOL: :LOL:

    Pretty good Brucey :p
  3. Am thinking i will show this to the misses after..........
  4. If I show MRS 2wheels this I wont be getting any either.
    Loved the sentiment though. :p :)
  5. ROFL!!!

    That's beautiful!

  6. hehe funny

    I hate women like that though!!!
  7. Excellant, Grilliant, What a F*%$^N ripper.
    loved it Brucey@#$%^&
  8. old but gold!
  9. 10 points :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    I think there is something I can work with.
  10. yep a oldies but still a great read..... funny no woman has posted up yet :p
  11. ditto, old but gold
  12. That gives me a smile everytime I read a version of it :)
  13. Aint that a bummer when it happens :LOL:

    Good ending tho.. Must remember that one :grin:
  14. Brilliant mate! ;)
  15. Mate that is an absolute cracker... You are the man...
  16. Logic and women don't mix..........but when you apply logic to women it makes for a great story! hhaha :)