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Here's your sign

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by webbo1, Dec 12, 2006.

  1. Any of you who have heard of Larry the Cable guy, Ron White and Jeff Foxworthy will have heard the here's your sign jokes about dumb people and the questions they ask..... well here it is a chance for you to tell every one about the snappy answer you have given to a dumb question.

    Here's mine

    A friend of mine ran out of petrol (gas) one day and a passing motorist stopped and asked

    "Run out of petrol mate"

    Quick as a flash he said

    "Nope.... the dealer said after 200km's the car needs a rest so it's having a nap ssshhhhhh"

    Here's your sign
  2. Yeah, heard this joke, and knew what the post was about soon as i saw it :LOL: :LOL:

    Love it...
  3. Ta mate :grin:
  4. Was telling my brother about some trouble I was having with my bike the other day, and he said (no shit) "sounds like you've blown a seal"

    to which i replied without hesitation, "Nah, it's just frost in my moustache..."

    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    True story.

    (woo hoo, 2,000th post!!)
  5. I know its off on a bit of a tangent but one day when i was walking from the bus stop to school in the uk in the dodgy school uniform, a group of guys from another school were sitting by the side of the road and i knew i was gonna get cheek when i passed them..

    Sure enough one of them piped up with 'how pet wanna sit on my face?' to which i replied (and to this day i'm not sure where it came from) 'Why - is your nose bigger than your dick' and then strutted off down the street while his mates nearly wet themselves laughing... :LOL:
  6. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :applause: priceless....
  7. You win at life :idea:
  8. :grin: :LOL: :grin:

    Cheers - dont think I've ever come out with one that has beaten it since though :oops:
  9. Oh, I win the dumb people discussions, I work at Foxtel... & no offence to anyone on NR, most of our customers have no idea.

    One customer sat & waited in que for OVER an hour to ask me what channel the Mundane vs. Green fight would be on (after being told at least one hundred times via on hold music). I replied with 955 & the customer then asked me "How do I get there?"

    Ahh.... Are you freaking serious?!

    "Where's the Foxtel button? Is that the red one down the bottom? Or the one that says Foxtel at the top?" Hmmm... I'm not sure...

    I have soooooooooooooooo many.
  10. My Dad and I were in the main street of my home town one day and we came across a guy with a coat hanger trying to open his car door.
    My Dad said "Lock your keys in?"

    Quick as you like the guy turned around and said
    "Nope just washed it ... I'm going to hang it up to dry"

    Here's your sign dad
  11. what about when people look for the 'any' key when they see 'press any key to continue'
  12. I have one of them but I need a sledgehammer to use it
  13. These were e-mailed to me this morning :p



  14. So where do I get one of those lawn mowers..........y'all
  15. i know huh... call me redneck but i like that mower.
  16. the last time i was in hospital i was being assisted by a nurse.

    i was standing at the basin on one leg and asked the nurse to fetch my toothbrush because it was in a place i couldnt get to in the chair.

    she returned and i am still on one leg waiting for my toothbrush. the nurse stood at the doorway and asked,

    'what do you want your toothbrush for?'

    i said

    'i want to shove it up my arrse'

    a friend thinks i should av said

    'had a bit of a case of the roids lately, and um i was thinking you could help me out by using the brush to scratch me arrse. ok so like im gunna bend over and drop me dacks, im sure you know what to do.'
  17. Webbo and I were at the pictures one day with our girlfriends...well one thing led to another and we ended up playing tonsil hockey with the girls.
    Well the usher walks past, taps Webbo on the shoulders and says "what are you doing?"
    Webbo turns and in the calmest voice and with the straightest face replies

    "Well I'm studying to become a Dr so I was giving this girl an oral inspection....next I'm going to do a physical one...would you like to watch???"

    Needless to say we all got kicked out

    Webbo for being a smart arse and the rest of us for pissing ourselves laughing, and no he never became a doctor or gave the physical either lol