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Guide to Zen

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by Azz, May 16, 2006.

  1. § Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just #### off and leave me alone.

    § The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

    § The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to teal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.

    § Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

    § Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

    § Remember, no one is listening until you fart.

    § Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

    § Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

    § If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments

    § Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

    § If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.

    § Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

    § Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

    § If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

    § Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreens.

    § Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

    § Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.

    § The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

    § A closed mouth gathers no feet.

    § There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

    § Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.

    § Never miss a good chance to shut up.

    § Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

    § When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse

    § The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.



    § Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know
     
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  2. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    My personal fav
     
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  3. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
    good reading for the start of the day
     
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  4. my fav:

    When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse

    to true, way, way too true...
     
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  5. My personal favourites, although they are all good :LOL: :LOL:
     
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  6. :LOL: yeah I love that one too :wink: it's oh so true :p
     
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  7. § If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments

    This one is gold
    § Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

    § If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

    This one is an old native indian saying,have the plague on my wall
    § Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.


    § The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

    Classics,good work old chap :p :p :grin: :LOL: :wink:
     
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  8. U have the plague on your wall... :? get out of there man... while u still can :LOL:
     
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