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Gripe Sheets

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Tweetster, Jul 30, 2009.

  1. In case you need a laugh: Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
    The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
    recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny........... (I love this one!)
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last..................
    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.
  2. thats gold. Where did the pilot to flight control transcript thread go? one of the funniest threads i have ever read.
  3. Trust me..they're funny here...reading 'em in real life is side-splitting funny ! Read this before Tweetster but awesome that you've resurfaced it again ;)
    Very funny.. AND real.