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Great Conspiracies of History

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by hornet, Mar 17, 2008.

  1. The Assasination of Julius Caesar, 44BC

    This, of course, never happened.

    It was a carefully-staged story, concocted by the Worshipful Historians and Other Roman Experts group, or WHORE for short. This shadowy group was in league with the emerging 'Latin Teachers of the Western World' pressure group. These people believed that a major event would be needed in Roman History to stop future students' interest flagging amid the dusty conjugation and declension tables. Poets such as Ovid and others willingly co-operated in the conspiracy; after all, what else was there to write about, and a good conspiracy is always much more interesting than the boring truth, isn't it?

    The conspiracy received a major boost when William Shakespeare, the English playwright, gave it a veneer of social respectability by writing his famous play some 1500-odd years later.

    Julius Caesar retired to Thrace, and although he wrote his memoirs, he was prevented by WHORE from publishing it.

    The Great Fire of London, 1666

    This, of course, never happened.

    Although there is a wealth of information in the form of diaries, paintings and even some so-called present-day evidences of this event, the truth is that a lady dropped a cigarette butt in a bin on the footpath outside St Pauls and the bin caught fire. It was quickly extinguished by the London Fire Brigade.

    However, the growing anti-smoking lobby, known as Stopping the Tobbaco Industry's Nasty Knowledge (or STINK), eager to point out the dangers of the weed, and with the co-operation of Samuel Pepys, the famous diarist (but also the president of STINK), blew up the story into a huge disaster for their own sinister purposes. The London Guild of Architects was also in on this vile conspiracy, because although no houses or builidngs were damaged, the currency of the story gave them the oppostunity to ram though the Londodn Council all manner of demolition orders and questionable Development Applications. (Several members of Wollongong Council are directly related to the members of this shadowy group, too.)

    Samuel Pepys spent the rest of his life writing in a spendid new home, built on the site of what had been an (undamaged) poor-house.

    The Assasination of Arch-Duke Ferdinand, June 28, 1914

    This, of course, never happened.

    Unbeknown to the world, a shadowy British group, known as WARtO (or Wars to Order), had mastered the art of blue-screen filming, and despite the (later discredited) evidence of several claimed on-lookers, the entire assasination scenario was played out on a back lot at Ealing, London.

    It was hugely successful, however, and the resulting War to End All Wars resulted in WARtO's stocks hitting a record high on the London Stock Exchange for 5 years running, 1914 - 1918.

    The Presdident of WARtO was awarded the Annual Medal of the WHORE-Latin Teachers-Samuel Pepys Appreciation Society in 1919 and retired to the Bahamas, resigned to the fact that he would not be able to write his memoirs.

    The Attack on the USA, September 2001

    This, of course, never happened........
  2. :? Wait... do you mean all the rest actually happened as well, and the conspiracy was actually making others believe they are consiparies?
  3. So is Elvis alive?
    Is JFK really dead?
    Harold holt is a gay chinese spy?
  4. Are you kidding? You've seen those swimmers he used to wear.
  5. Nissan GTRs being banned from Bathurst !

    A racial plot !

  6. lol
    my brother has a hot lap by george fury round bathurst on his phone.
    he watches it when he needs cheering up lol.
  7. will always hold the fastest lap on the pre-chase track.
  8. I was on the grassy knoll, but Ktulu was 4 metres behind me. He refuses to tell me what he had in that long bag.
  9. golf clubs, silly :p
  10. I thought it was stubbies. Was a warm day. We left our ballistic jackets off.
  11. Harold Scruby is really the Ghostrider!!
  12. No conspiracies have to be at least slightly believable :LOL:....
  13. OK, Longnecks then
  14. You're right Paul.

    According to my favourite conspiracy theorist, Harold Scruby is probably a blood-drinking shape shifting reptilian alien. :LOL:

    According to David Icke , reptilian humanoids are the force behind a worldwide conspiracy directed at manipulation and control of humanity. He contends that most of the world's leaders, from Bill Clinton, Hillary Rodham Clinton and George W. Bush to members of the British Royal Family, are in fact related to the 7-foot (2.1 m) tall, blood-drinking reptilians from the star system Alpha Draconis.

    well it's a lot more likely than that he's Ghostrider
    ... :LOL:

    And it does explain Hilary Clinton!