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Good wife's guide.

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Kamikaze_Kawasaki, Feb 17, 2005.

  1. Knightrider and I just fell off our chairs laughing!!! :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: We have both just made a vow to remain single :D
  2. You and rob? hmmm........careful or rumours might start....ive already heard one juicy bit today :LOL:
  3. Well the 3rd rule states to be gay and a little interesting for him :shock:
  4. I just read that out loud to my wife and daughter.....

    and they hit me! :shock:

  5. And you're wondering why???? :shock: :p
  6. Heh heh, might have been the last bit they didn't like.

    now I gotta wash the dishes :?
  7. Hey, I get into enough shet without making comments on things like that, so I'm leaving this 1. :oops:

    yer yer I know I'm a chicken. :roll: :D
  8. Nah mate, not chicken...... ur smart! :wink:

    now me, I'm a masochist, I'm gunna print it out and send it to the mother in law.

    HA Bring it on.......

    JJ (soon to be dead)
  9. Luckily no one has asked me to be their wife.. I would suck :roll: :D

    Excuse me whilst I mend my b/f's jumper whilst baking cookies :p
  10. Nah, that would stop once you became a wife :LOL:
  11. Hey, it ALL stops when you become a wife, unless it's with someone who is NOT your husband!!!! :LOL:
  12. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    wooo, you walked into that one CBC

    (we males very rarely think above the navel :wink: :wink: )

    I must be one of the lucky ones then! :wink:
  13. I have a book here... the title is: Home and Health

    It was printed in 1908 by Signs of the Times Publishing Assn. Ltd.

    Section I. - The Home


    • How to build the Cesspool.... :shock: :?

      The Well.... Do not dig a well in the cellar, nor in the barn-yard, nor within a hundred feet of a barn-yard or cesspool; and even then it should be on higher ground than either, so that natural drainage will be away from it.

    Section II. - General Housekeeping


    • Hints on the Daily Programme....
      Rise early; take a vigorous hand bath; comb your hair properly; dress your neck neatly; put on a large work apron and a flower or bow in your hair.
      You can get a better breakfast if you are tidy enough to be conscious of a feeling of self-respect. Begin the day right. Let your first appearance to the other members of your family be such as to point the way to a bright, glad day.

      Page 82: Get ready for the home-coming of the men-folk. They have been brushing up against the world all day, will come home tired from the struggle, and you should have all the heavy housework out of the way, so that you may be able to turn your attention to the evening joys and recreations, of which you should be queen - the husband's companion and joy, and the children's guide and umpire.

    Section III. - Healthful Diet


    • Alcoholic Drinks: Alcohol is a poison, and is one of the chief causes of degeneracy, poverty, disease, and crime; Of all intoxicating drinks, it is the most animalising.

      Tobacco: Tobacco is one of the greatest curses of modern times.

    Section IV. - The Care of the Body


    • Correct Standing position: Place the heels together at an angle of about sixty degrees. Carry the weight of the body chiefly upon the balls of the feet. Draw back the hips and abdomen, throw the chest forward, and hold the chin in.

      Social Purity: Familiarity of Married People: Undue familiarity with persons of the opposite sex; a desire to be much in the company of the companions of others; the tendency of men to depreciate their wives and to admire other women, and of women to flatter and praise men other than their own husbands - these are some of the first steps by which even honourable men and women have entered the broad road of shame.

    Section V. - The Care and Training of Children


    • Bad Habits: The mother often makes much trouble for herself by teaching the baby bad habits. She rocks it, carries it, tosses it, keeps the light burning at night to keep it from crying, feeds it irregularly, usually whenever it cries, and gives it sugar and other "comforters" to try to satisfy all it's demands.

      Regularity: Until the baby is three months old, it may be fed once in three hours, the time being lengthened gradually. Do not awaken the baby to feed it. At six or eight months of age the baby should be fed only four times a day, and not at all at night. At one year old, it can take it's meals three times a day, at the regular hours.

      The Little Girl: Her Education: A girl's education should be liberal. It should consist primarily of practical subjects which will make her competent for the stern realities of life.

    • What a little girl should be taught:
      [list:5fcb84b89b]To cook plain, wholesome food.
      To make her own clothes.
      To be neat and orderly, beginning with the care of her own person and room.
      That she should learn well the arts of housekeeping and home-making before trying to make a home of her own.
      That she should exercise a quiet reserve in the presence of boys and men.
      That all cheap talk is unbecoming.
      That her brothers are better escorts than most other young men.

    What a little boy should be taught:
    • To be strong and brave - to be a little man.
      To shun evil companions.
      To respect grey hairs.
      To be gentle.
      To be courteous.
      To seek the companionship of his sisters in preference to any other girls.

    Section VI. - The Home Treatment of Disease

    • The Enema or Rectal Injection.... :shock:

    It is a very interesting book! :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :p
  14. I can't believe that you actually bothered to type all that out!
  15. "To seek the companionship of his sisters in preference to any other girls"

    So what would "Home and Health" think of your Avatar Kez?

    Or is it your sister?? :D

  16. Where can I find a woman like that? 8)

    Maybe the above explains why I'm single. :?