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Girls, I've found the reason!

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by lil, Mar 15, 2005.


    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I
    will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia or heat stroke
    has set in. AAA is not an option. I will win.

    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very
    well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know
    what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will
    say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but
    now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
    where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a
    form of Holy Communion.

    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to
    bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
    You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
    groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to
    find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are
    the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to
    pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
    (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)

    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working,
    I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just
    cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here
    and has to put it back together.

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control
    in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced,
    I may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was
    able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.

    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking
    about. The answer is always either sex, motorcycles or cars. I
    have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have
    your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or
    think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got
    her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
    And don't forget to pick up something for my mother

    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked
    the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I
    and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will
    certainly at least remember the name and recommend
    it to others.

    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
    thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was
    fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or
    without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we
    just go now?

    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will
    share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
    cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
    and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like
    wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to

    You've just gotta love 'em.... :shock: :? :roll: :LOL:

    :D :D :D
  2. And your point....?
  3. drinking beer and breaking wind is a very important part of the repair procedure, why cant women understand this??? jeeeezuz, if we didn't do that, the goddamn thing would probly get fixed in time to go to the fuggin social even we're being dragged to and even worse, we'll be expected to do the same thing with everything we fix :shock: oh no, beer and flatulence is ESSENTIAL to fixing stuff.....
  4. I'm just giving some insight to those girls out there who may still be confused by the whole male way of life/thinking/ideals :p :LOL: :wink:

    :D :D :D
  5. We have ideals :shock:
  6. Yeah, that's awesome... :LOL:
  7. LMAO :LOL: :LOL:
    hey... i resemble that remark
  8. yes ideally we would like to get pissed and fart wile looking useful :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  9. why bother? it's not like we're complex. we're pretty easy to figure out.

    *grabs beer*

  10. And sometimes, when we're in a more contemplative mood, it's

    *grabs beer*

    *scratch nuts*

    *farts* (can be replaced with *belches* at will)

  11. yeah, thats where the problem is eh. girls want to turn a simple thing into something complex. dont try and understand why we do something, i mean we dont have a fuggen clue ourselves, just accept that we did it and get on with painting your nails. we dont waste our limited brainpower trying to work out why the hell you just broke down crying for seemingly no reason so dont bother trying to work out why we would prefer to watch telly with a jar of peanuts and a beer than listen to what happened in your family today. it just is and thats all there is to it :D
  12. Speaking of Farts..
    My ex GF / laughs heaps when i fart.. lol there we would be laying in bed talking and i rip a huge fart and she burst's out laughing.. Then she would try so so hard to do a big fart but she did these pissy little ones that didnt even smell and she was dissapointed.
    But she did get angry when i pinned her down and farted on her head (when she looks back on it she laughs), and her mum told her off cause men shouldnt do that to women apparently.. but i got a big cheer from my friends :p :p
  13. After reading this 1 & the 'Married Life' thread my g/f wonders why girls & boys ever get together????

    I answered with, "Well it gives every1 something 2 winge about". :D :shock:

    Then she says, "If it wasn't 4 the sex it wouldn't b worth it." :shock: :shock: :? :p
  14. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)


    Ya learn somethign new everyday :p
  15. :shock:

    ex G/F........ wonder why? :p

    Did you follow it up with a dutch oven? :?

    My daughter does the longest, loudest and rankest pharts I've ever heard...

    I'm sooo proud :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  16. :twisted: hmmm do we even want to go into the whole female way of life/thinking/ideals???
    :roll: Nah, best to have a beer or six whilst 'fixing' something and fart and laugh :LOL:
  17. so how did they work all that out from behind the stove in the kitchen :shock: :wink: :D :LOL:
  18. Easy to see you've got a faster bike, Glen. 8-[
  19. quick getaway :LOL:
  20. You left out food and grog. :roll: :roll: :roll: