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Geek reaches 1001!

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by es, Nov 15, 2005.

  1. And to commemorate, here is a nerd joke:

    A truck driver driving a truck-load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying ''Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!'' He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him.

    ''You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?''

    ''I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm carrying.''
    ''Okay, truck drivers are not nerds,'' he says and serves him a beer.

    As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.

    ''Why did you do that?''

    ''Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license.''

    The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.

    A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

    ''What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.
    ''Well, sure,'' says the patrolman. ''But you can't bait 'em.''
  2. and one of my favorites:

    An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life... until the boat sank! The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies... Nothing.
    Only bananas and coconuts.

    After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief he asks her: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

    "I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

    "Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."

    "Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

    "But-but, that's impossible," stutters the man. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"

    "Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.

    The guy is stunned.

    "Let's row over to my place, " she says.

    After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly
    woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb-struck.

    As they walk into the house, her beautiful breasts bouncing with each step, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please; would you like to have a drink?"

    "No thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice."
    "It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

    Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

    After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."

    No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom.

    There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened onto its end, inside of a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"

    When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines and a shell necklace-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias.

    She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

    "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. I've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right about now, something you've been longing for all these months? You
    know... " She stares into his eyes.

    He can't believe what he's hearing. His heart begins to pound. He's truly in luck: "You mean...", he gasps, "... I can actually check my e-mail from here??"
  3. hey, es, I posted the beer truck joke only a couple of days ago!!!

    Congrats on reaching your millennium anyway!!!
  4. bugga. i searched for it but no luck :(
    Well, the other one should be new :p searched it too!
  5. oh hahaha.... even nerds would forgo email for that!! well i would anyway!
  6. ooh how about

    Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: None. It's a hardware problem.
  7. I already made my excuses... be careful or ill turn you into a frog :p

    An geek is walking down the road one day, and, seeing a frong on the side of the road, bends down to look at it. Suddenly, it pipes up and talks to him!

    "I may look like a frog now, but I'm really a princess - if you kiss me, I'll turn back into my real self!"

    The geek smiles, picks up the frog, puts it in his (pocket protected) shirt pocket and goes on to the lab.

    When he gets to the lab, he puts the frog down to get some work done, and she opens her mouth to speak:

    "I tell you, I'm a beautiful princess! If you kiss me, I'll turn back, and I'll do anything you want!"

    The geek smiles, and goes on with is work. After he's done, he picks the frog up. She again starts talking to him:

    "Look, I'm a princess turned into a frog! If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful woman. I'll do whatever you want! And I'll stay with you forever!"

    The geek peers at the frog, smiles, and tucks it back in his pocket for the walk home. When he gets there, he pulls her out, and she nearly screams at him:

    "WHAT THE HELLS THE MATTER WITH YOU? Here I am, I'm a beautiful princess, I'll do whatever you want, and I'll stay with you forever! Why won't you kiss me??"

    The geek says, "Well, I don't have time for a girlfriend,..."
  8. Actually, es, the other one is a REAL old joke, but I must admit I haven't seen it on the forum. There are about 400 variations of it for golfers, etc etc
  9. yeah well, like i said, excuses made :p

    An engineer is walking down the street, and sees another guy from his lab walking along with a new bright red motorcycle. He's impressed, especially since his friend doesn't know how to ride a motorcycle, so he goes up and asks, "Wow, where'd you get that?"

    His friend explains, "Well, I walk walking along, and this gorgeous blond drives up on the motorcycle, stops in front of me, strips her clothes off and tells me, 'Take what you want!'"

    The engineer nods in understanding. "Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
  10. hehehe loving this one:

    in maths today we found out that 1+3+3+7 = 14
    so therefore 1337 = 14

    so anyone who speaks 1337 is 14!
  11. Aren't you getting offended by all these geek jokes...? :p
  12. She's the biggest nerd i know
  13. Great jokes Eswen, I especially liked the first one.

    The engineer joke got a laugh as well.

  14. lol... checked out any clowns lately? :LOL:
  15. Yep, and its good stuff too
  16. roflmfao!

    thats so sweet!!!!!!!!!!

    "My license plate is "RM -RF *"

    I was once asked if I wasn't worried about being wiped out.

    I explained that I backup in my driveway every morning."
  17. you can use that same command to delete all *naughty* files from your PC.

    I told someone this once as a joke..... and i actually had to stop them before it was too late :shock: :shock: ..... yes he did have *nix based system.