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Funny Sayings

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by Mr Messy, Aug 12, 2010.

  1. Hey guys. Bored and home sick with aching lungs (bruised)... :nopity:
    Figured id make a thread about any old 'sort of funny nonsense sayings' you might know.
    I dont really mean this to be a joke thread perse (but if you have some good ones go ahead)... example, my grandfather taught me these three when i was 7 years old, and as ridiculous as they are, they have stuck in my head ever since. ](*,) Should point out he was a pom as well :p.

    Here goes....

    When I was a lad as big as my dad, I used to ride in a rocket.
    When the rocket went bang my balls went clang, and I found my dick in my pocket.

    In the days of old when knights were bold, before women were invented...
    Men used to drill holes in telegraph poles to keep themselves contented.

    It was spring time in the rockies, and the snow was raining fast.
    A barefooted man with clogs on came slowly whizzing past.
    He turned a straight crooked corner, to see a dead donkey die.
    He pulled out his pistol to stab it, and the donkey spat in his eye.

  2. "Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating the apple was justified?"
  3. similar to the last one

    One fine day in the middle of the night,
    two dead men got up to fight.
    Back to back they faced each other,
    Drew their swords and shot each other.
    If you don't believe the story's true
    Ask the blind man, he saw it too!
  4. ....we all get heavier as we get older because of all the extra information we are holding in our heads (that's my excuse and i'm sticking to it!!)....

  5. There that will stop you farting in church.
    Its as hard as a bulls forehead.