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Funniest/weirdest things you've over heard

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by Jace, Jul 25, 2007.

  1. Now in no way do i pretend for my story to be in anyway profound I just thought it was interesting some of the weird things you hear some times whilst in a public place

    I was in Nelson Bay a couple of weeks ago going across to The tea Garden on the Ferry. There were some older retiree tourists sitting next to my wife and I . From what it seemed like they were two blokes that used to work together ages ago and had seen each other in a while.

    One bloke says to the other "have you seen Bob latley?"

    Second bloke "No mate he died of...(blah blah didn't catch that).."

    First bloke "Remember how he had to have a hand in everything?"

    Second bloke "Yeah he thought he was indisposable, There's plenty of indisposable people at the cemetery"

    I have to admit I had never heard that turn of phrase before. Strange

    So Anyway what are some of the weirdest/ funniest things you have accidently/delibrately overheard?
  2. Sitting at a cafe talking to my boss. We both came off a farm and were discussing castration. Despite having done hundreds of calves and sheep we have always taken dogs to the vet to be done.

    Me: "So do you reckon you could do a dog the same way you would do a sheep".

    The waitress was just about to stop by at our table but kept walking. An NZ accent would have topped it off.
  3. Weirdest thing Ive heard was when I was crashed on the couch at my stepdad's place and in comes his female flatmate with her boyfriend and another bloke at 2am (stepdad was separated from mum, hence the border). Nothing too weird, the jumped in the spa, could tell something was going on. Tried to block it out and continue sleeping.

    They all come inside, go into the bedroom which unfortunately is right next to the loungeroom in which I was sleeping. Then soon comes the most disturbing line I've heard to date - "Do you love me??? Well then suck his c*ck!"[/b]
  4. Sh*t like that p*sses me off, you should have gone in there and said to the boyfriend "If you love her, why don't you suck his c*ck!?!?"

    People like that should have a sharp object pushed through the back of their head for forcing a woman to do something like that.

    ...unless she asked to be 'talked dirty' to, then I guess it's alright...but if not...
  5. What she said ^^

    Bloody funny though :rofl: :rofl: :bolt:
  6. Maybe it was her saying it to the BF. I mean, she was in a spa and bed with two blokes.......
  7. I read that as her saying to the boyfriend for him to do it.
  8. ima agreed with above, it woulda been the chick saying it. aaaahahaa. so far that line wins i reckon :LOL: :LOL:
  9. In a guest house(backpackers) in Kho San road in Bangkok,myself and 2 other guys who flew in on the same flight, caught a cab together to this district then proceeded to get pissed at the guesthouse bar at 4am in the morn jetlagged to buggery :? .
    The resident lady boy-of which all guest houses seem to have at least 1 or several- tried to pick up all of us 1 at a time,he/she was roughly 16. After drawing a blank and realising none of us swung that way,we got retardly drunk. I eventually crashed around sunrise then awoke several hours later, hearing an American GI who was in the bar earlier, :bannanabutt: hooting and hoolering and tellin the lady boy in the room next door with paper thin walls, telling her after he emmm finished,how he loved her,wanted to marry her and bring her back to U.S. she then told him no,then a really loud slap on the cheek, really loud sound,then more "no,f you,but I love you",more sex,more violence,more no,f you,and various exchanges of verbal and physical abuse,followed and I love you.etc etc.
    This went on for about 2 hours,they eventually left the room,then started all over again that night and contiunued off and on for 2 days :? That night I woke up to the surrounding 5 rooms-I counted,all emitting various sexual tones. 1 night in Bangkok :demon: as the song goes.

    Or then there was the time I met in a backpackers in Augusta on the south west the tip of W.A.,a genuine forensic pathologist-CSI style,who worked for NSW police. He had stories I cannot repeat,real life silence of the lambs :eek:hno: :spam: sheeet you not. This guy looked about 20 years older than he should,and the weight of the world,or being constant witness to the appauling things human beings can do to each other-HAD-crushed his spirit almost. In his department he said they had 3 months paid holidays a year,had to through sheer stress :eek:hno:
  10. muppet wrote

    now now, those who fall for that crap deserve it!


    i have NEVER laughed sooo hard in front of the screen. thanks!

    the funniest thing i ever heard was...................

    "do u mind if i use this ilizarov frame as a love handle?"

    hey, thats wot its there for

  11. Ha ha ha ha, nah it was the bloke saying it to the chick. She seemed to be enjoying it as far as I could hear through the pillow jammed over my head **shudders at memory**

  12. Had the same thing with my ilizarov. :twisted:

    painful things them... invented to keep panadine in business i think. :mad:
  13. Phone converstation... I only heard her side

    "Well I know its your birthday, but its MY ARSE!"
  14. Stump wrote:

    DREW wrote

    are you a man or a woman drew?

    painful? eh, my pain was there b4 the thing got hitched. it made a GREAT love handle tho, no pain during those sessions. i never had such stealth, accuracy and rythm [but i have had better sex].

    from my very straight [and HOT mind you ] bone surgeon [they guy who put the frame on]. tis only funny cause it was completely unexpected.

    i said

    'sorry i missed last weeks appointment'

    he said

    'i'll have to spank you'