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Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by jackarau, May 5, 2005.

  1. These are things people actually said in court, word for word,
    taken down and now published by court reporters who had
    the torment of staying calm
    while these exchanges were actually taking place.
    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.
    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you
    have forgotten?
    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.
    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
    woke that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.
    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or
    the occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.
    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
    doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?
    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None
    Q: Were there any girls?
    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?
    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
    deposition notice
    which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.
    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
    an autopsy.
    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
    began the
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practicing law somewhere.

  2. :LOL: i LOVE that last one.
  3. yes the last one takes the cake:p :LOL:
  4. ahhhh. only a lawyer would ever say any of that. although some of the replies to questions are quite brainless. funny!
  5. they are the kind of Lawyers you need when your on death row :p
  6. Jakarau,

    I don't know where you manage to find all these stuff.

    I really like the voodoo....who do dialog.
  7. very funny..If you look around at coffee you'll hear a few new ones to put up

  8. Yeah, cos the brain was in the jar on his desk..
  9. One week with my left knee still out of action......I am bored to tears!
    Never posted this many messages before in my life!!!
    ARRRRGGGRGGRGR! To-morrow I will go and retrieve my bike anyway!