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friday funny

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by foot69, Sep 23, 2011.

  1. Have u ever wondered if
    ur mother kissed you good
    night after giving ur dad a
    blow job?

    I bet u are now!

    Ur turn to ruin someone elses day...

    I was talking to a girl in the pub the other night and I said "You remind me of my little toe"

    She said "Is that because I'm small and cute"?

    I replied "no because I'll probably end up banging you on the coffee table"!


    'Hello, police?'
    'Yes, how can we help you?'
    'I'm calling to report about my neighbour, Wazza.
    'He's hiding cocaine inside his firewood!'
    Thank you very much for the call.'
    The next day, police officers descend on Wazza's house in great numbers.
    They search the house and then go out to the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of firewood but they find no cocaine.
    They swear at Wazza and leave.
    The phone rings at Wazza's house.
    'Hey Wazz, did the cops come?'
    'Did they chop up your firewood?'
    'Happy Birthday maaaaaaaaaaate!'


    I couldn't find that fukn thingy that peels the carrots and potatoes so I asked the kids if they'd seen it. Apparently she left me yesterday!
  2. An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."