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Friday Funny - Unavoidable laws of nature and the universe..

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by pvda, Aug 18, 2006.

  1. These are the unavoidable laws of nature and the universe...

    1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

    2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

    3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

    4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

    5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

    6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).

    7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

    9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

    10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

    12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

    13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

    14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.

    15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

    16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

    17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

    18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

    19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

    20. Murphy's Law: If something can go wrong, it will.
  2. Law of the workshop; how well I remember.

    Law of Coffee; a daily and present experience :LOL:
  3. Law of Coffee for IT people:
    Right after you've made your coffee and sat in front of your computer, the phone will ring with some stupid luser with a stupid question and by the time they're off the phone, and you DESPERATELY need the caffeine so you don't find and kill said luser, it's stone bl**dy cold.
  4. Law of projects- when you have heaps of money, you don't have the time, and when you have the time, you have no money.

    Law of painting the house- you will end up 1 litre short on paint, and the new paint wil not be the same colour.

    Regards, Andrew.
  5. Law of Spare Change
    A single 5c piece will remain in your wallet indefinately. But get 2 in there, and they breed like rabbits until you have 15. You will not know where they came from.

    Law of Movie Theatres
    The more you are enjoying a movie, the louder that frigging kid will scream...

    Law of Cuisine
    The quality of a kebab is directly related to the quantity of beer consumed prior. [See related notes on cheeseburgers.]

    Law of Pride
    The more people you have asked to watch a stunt you are about to perform, the higher the likelihood of you ending up on your arse.

    Law of Home Mechanics
    There will ALWAYS be parts left over.
    You do NOT know where they go.
    It still works just fine.

    ... But you won't throw those parts away!
  6. Back in my previous IT management days I had a wonderful spear that my daughter brought back from Zimbabwe that I used to keep in my office as a LART (Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool). Glancing significantly towards it towards it used to work wonders. :LOL:

    If I ever really used it, it could never have actually worked - their skins were all too thick :?
  7. My managing director keeps telling me I can have a Cluebat, but I still can't find where to buy one. I'd be using it as much on my co-workers as the lusers that call.

    (see http://sonja.krikkert.net for more details about why)