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Friday Funny - Something to Offend Just About Everyone

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by pvda, May 25, 2005.

  1. Yes, I know it's 2 days early but I'll be in Perth on Friday and off line so I'm getting in early :wink:

    What's the best form of birth control after 50?

    What do accountants/engineers/architects use for birth control?
    Their personalities.

    What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
    45 lbs.

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
    45 minutes.

    How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
    None, they just sit there in the dark and biatch.

    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    Why are men and parking spaces alike?
    Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are disabled.

    Why do men want to marry virgins?
    They can't stand criticism.

    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.

    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.

    Why does the bride always wear white?
    Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and

    A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
    The blonde, because she's 18.

    Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
    Ask your Mom.

    Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
    Because they have cotton balls.

    What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    "Are you sure it's mine?"

    What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
    Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    Mace will do that to you.

    Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia (Tasmania/Daylesford)?
    Everyone has the same DNA.

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.
  2. Damn!

    I wasn't offended

    :evil: :evil: :evil:
  3. Me either.. must be getting insensitive in my old age :)
  4. still waiting........
  5. Some vast sweeping generalisations... yeah that'll do.
    Minimal offence taken to the Architect joke though :p
  6. nah not offended by anything except the lack of Humour :p :LOL: