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Friday Funny - PVDA by proxy

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by hornet, Mar 16, 2007.

  1. Paul's flagging at the grand pricks this weekend, so he asked me to post something that would be up to his usual standard.

    Dave and Bill were devoted golfers and every Friday they played at their local course. This day they were teeing off on the ninth, an elevated tee on the outside edge of the course. Just below and outside, a road passed the course.

    Dave teed off, but his ball took a rapid slice and headed right, over the fence, and down towards the road below. There is struck a cyclist, who wobbled into the path of a car coming in the opposite direction. The car took what evasive action it could, but veered across the centre-line, into the path of an oncoming semi-trailer. The truck driver, hauled on his wheel to seek to avoid the car and crossed the centre-line and hit a tourist coach, coming in the opposite direction. The coach crashed off the road into a paddock, rolled onto its side and caught fire, starting a small bushfire.

    Dave and Bill watched from above as this gruesome scenario played out below. Dave was horrified, and turned to Bill and said, "That's awful; what can I do??"

    Bill calmly replied, "Well, if you move your left foot an inch or so backwards...."
  2. Thanks Paul. Not a bad effort.
  3. A couple for the ladies......

    A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical.
    The nurse starts with certain basic items.
    "How much do you weigh?" she asks.
    "115," she says.
    The nurse puts her on the scale.
    It turns out her weight is 140.
    The nurse asks, "Your height?"
    "5 foot 8," she says.
    The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".
    She then takes her blood pressure
    And tells the woman it is very high.
    "Of course it's high!" she screams,
    "When I came in here I was tall and slender!
    Now I'm short and fat!"

    Flour and Water
    How come when you mix water and flour together

    You get glue?..

    And then you add eggs
    And sugar...
    And you get cake?

    Where did the glue go ?
    You know darned well where it went!

    That's what makes the cake
    Stick to your BUTT