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Friday Funny - Drunken vocabulary

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by pvda, Feb 9, 2007.

  1. Things that are DIFFICULT to say when drunk.

    1 - Innovative
    2 - Preliminary
    3 - Proliferation
    4 - Cinnamon

    Things that are VERY DIFFICULT to say when drunk.

    1 - Specificity
    2 - British constitution
    3 - Passive-aggressive disorder
    4 - Transubstantiates

    Things which are IMPOSSIBLE to say when drunk

    1 - Thanks for the offer, but I don't want to sleep with you.
    2 - Nope, no more booze for me.
    3 - No kebab for me, thank you.
    4 - Sorry, but you're not really my type.
    5 - Look mate, I've told you, I'm not interested in a fight.
    6 - No way, I couldn't, nobody wants to hear me sing.
    7 - Thanks for asking, but I don't want to dance. I have no co-ordination and hate to make a fool of myself.
    8 - Where is the nearest public lavatory? I absolutely refuse to pee in the street.
    9 - I must be going now as I have work in the morning.
  2. Classic, Paul, (although I have difficulty with some in the first two lists, and I don't drink :LOL:.)
  3. rofl

    Reminds me of an episode of Red Dwarf, when they're in the prison and Rimmer is inspecting Lister's cell after they both just sculled their moonshine so it wouldn't be discovered OR wasted

    Rimmer: "You're drunk!"

    Lister & co: "Nah, no way, lies, couldn't possibly be, c'mon...."

    Rimmer: "Alright then... so... who wants a kebab?"

    Lister & co: "Aww yes please!"

    Rimmer: "aHA!"

    Lister & co: "damn."
  4. personal favourite of mine:

    haven't had a c|_|nt all day drinkstable!
  5. Officer - "Blow in the bag"

    Driver - "Where is she?"
  6. On a bus late at night:

    Drunk: (to lady) You'rrrre ug-(hic)-ly!!!

    Lady: And you're drunk!!

    Drunk: But I'll be sober in the morning...
  7. Get pulled over by cop.........

    Cop: Good evening sir, have you been drinking?

    Dude: Why, is there a fat chick in the car?
  8. Was absolutely fer-schnickered one night after a blinder at the local RSL, mate was driving us home (he doesn't drink - at all). We got pulled for an RBT and as the female copper asks if Nick (my mate) had been drinking, I blurt out "Aaaaahm shitfaced!!!", then proceed to loudly ask "If it's so random, how come you always test the driver?!?!"

    We were lucky to get out of that one... :LOL: