Welcome to Netrider ... Connecting Riders!

Interested in talking motorbikes with a terrific community of riders?
Signup (it's quick and free) to join the discussions and access the full suite of tools and information that Netrider has to offer.

Friday Funny 2 - Amazing Simple Home Remedies

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by pvda, Aug 26, 2005.

  1. 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

    2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

    3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

    4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer

    5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

    6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

    7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

    Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

    You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape;

    If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.

    If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

    Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

    Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

    If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

    And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
  2. My kids always tell me that I have to be nice to them because they get to choose my nursing home .....
    And, as Jackie Gleeson famously said "Be nice to the people you meet on the way up; they're the same ones you'll meet on the way down!"

  3. I like this one

    Seems more signifigant as I get older.

    Then again an older friend's usual reply to me stirring him about being as old as he is is to say "at least I got to be this age, you've got to get here yet". Especially signifigant when I think back 18 months when he was in ICU in an induced coma for 10 days.
  4. Indeed, one thing we can never know is how long we are going to be here.... makes every day special, or OUGHT to......
  5. I remind them that I am the one that signs the will. Usually brings them back to earth witha thud. Mention lost dogs homes etc. Wipes the smile off their faces. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  6. Yeh, old age, it's a bugger, isn't it?

    Still, as has been noted, we've got here, haven't we?

    AND I get to enjoy my grandchildren and give them back when I'm tired of them...

    Not sure about those home remedies, though. I think the cure might be worse than the disease in most cases.