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Friday Funnies

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by bass_player, Aug 11, 2006.

  1. Due to the lack of jokes being posted I thought I'd give it a shot.

    Teacher starts at a new school on the last day of term and says to class, “Anyone who remembers my name next term can have a special reward. My name is Mrs Franny”.
    Billy thinks to himself, “I’m gonna remember her name all through the holidays and get myself a treat next term, Mrs Franny- Fanny with an R”. So all summer he replays her name in his head, “Fanny with an R, Fanny with an R”.
    Next term starts, and as promised, teacher walks in and says “Right kids, remember last term, I said anyone remembering my name will get a special treat, can anyone remember?”
    One lonesome hand is raised, little Billy’s. He looks proud as punch as he says “I can, and I’m ready for my treat please Mrs Crunt!”

    A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said “Can you please help me, I don’t know what hole I’m on.”

    She told him “You are one hole behind me. I’m on 7; you’re on 6.”

    He thanked her and continued playing golf. On the back nine he got lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. “I’m sorry to bother you again but I’m lost again, can you please tell me what hole I’m on.”

    She told him “you are one hole behind me. I’m on 14; you are on 13.” Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.

    When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living. “I’m in sales.” He replied “no kidding so am I. What do you sell?

    She said it’s too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she’d tell him if he promised not to laugh. He promised. She said, “I sell tampons”.

    He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.

    She said, “You promised you wouldn’t laugh”.

    He replied “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help it. I sell toilet paper.
    I’m still one hole behind you.”

    The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
    something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

    When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

    She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, since he sometimes could be a bit crude.

    But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

    Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. “It’s a period,” reported Johnnie.

    “Well I can see that,” she said. “But what is so exciting about a period.”

    “Damned if I know,” said Johnnie, “but this morning my sister said she missed one….

    Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the guy next door shot himself!”