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Friday funnies.....

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by removed-6, Jun 23, 2006.

  1. David Beckham is celebrating; "43 days, 43 days!" he shouts happilly. Posh asks him why hes celebrating.
    He answers "Well Honey, I've done this jigsaw in only 43 days."

    "And that's good?" asks Posh.
    "You bet Hon" says David."It says 3 to 6 years on the box."

    Q: What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl?
    A: Waste of Spice

    David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank,
    "I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
    "Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
    "Yes" replies Beckham "you should have my details on your computer".
    "Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?"
    "Why do I need help?" asks Beckham. The receptionist replies
    "Well David, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."

    David Beckham walks into a pub.
    The landlord says 'A pint of your usual, David?'
    Beckham replies 'No, just a half, then I'm off'

    Q: What do Barry Manilow and David Beckham have in common?
    A: A: They are both f***ing useless singers.

    Bet now at bet365.com - includes football betting.

    Q: Why is David Beckham like a Ferrero Roche?
    A: They both come in a posh box

    Q: What's the difference between David Beckham and Posh?
    A: Posh Spice doesn't kick back when she's taken from behind.

    Q: What do David Beckham and British rail trains have in common.
    A: They both go in and out of Victoria

    Q: What do the England footbal team and Posh Spice both have in common?
    A: They've both been screwed by David Beckham.

    Q: Why did Posh Spice marry David Beckham?
    A: Because he's the only fella who can lob Seaman at 60 yards!

    David Beckham has gone crazy believing Posh has been having an affair on him. In manic rage, he goes out and buys a gun. He rushes home to confront his wife, and finds her in bed with none other than Ronaldino. Devastated, Beckham takes out the gun and points it at his own head.
    "No, David don't do it." Posh cries jumping up from her spot underneath the covers...."I'm sorry and I know we can work this out."
    "Shut up and sit back Victoria." Beckham replies. "You're next."

    WARNING - Jokes to Offend all...................

    Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
    A: Not being retarded

    Q: What's blue and fcuks old people?
    A: Hypothermia

    Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?
    A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her

    Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time?
    A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

    Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
    A: Something a woman does while a guy is fcuking her.

    Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
    A: Gonorrhoea

    Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
    A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating c*nt once in a while too.

    Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
    A. She rolls her own tampons.

    Q. Why do queers like ribbed condoms?
    A. Better traction in the mud.

    Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
    A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.

    Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
    A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years old.

    Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
    A. Marry it.

    Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?
    A. Your ass kicked.

    Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
    A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

    Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
    A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.

    Q. Why do women call it PMS?
    A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

    Q. What's the height of conceit?
    A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

    Q. What's the definition of macho?
    A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

    Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
    A. The cake jumps out of the girl.

    Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
    A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

    Q. How is pubic hair like parsley?
    A. You push it to the side before you start eating.

    Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
    A. You know she'll swallow.

    Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
    A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.

    Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
    A. When the big hand touches the little hand...

    Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
    A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

    Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
    A. Because it's worth it