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frenchs suck

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by South FrenchGirl, Nov 12, 2007.

  1. To avoid being jingoistic I decided to tell you a few jokes anti french

    How did a french for suicide?
    He pulls a ball about 15cm above his head, right into his superiority complex

    What name someone who speaks three languages?
    A trilingual.
    What name someone who speaks two languages?
    A bilingual.
    What name someone who speaks only one language?
    A French.

    Why a French still drink the cup when he swim?
    Because even in the water he was forced to open his big mouth.

    You know how we should do to save a french from drowning?
    No? Well so much the better

    What is the difference between Nelson Mandela and a member of
    French government?
    Nelson Mandela was in prison before being elected.

    After creating France, god found that it was the most beautiful country
    World. It would be jealous. So, to restore the balance, he created the French.
  2. :LOL:

    us ausies dont laugh at ourselves like that! great stuff!

    u got any from the nuclear probs from years back?

    ecole primaire?

    i got one about ya big rock star, what's his name? i forgot

    here's some ausie ones
    a newzealanda, sth african and an ausie have a beer

    the sth african drinks it, smashes the glass and says

    "in sth africa, we have so much money, we never drink from the same glass twice"

    the newzealander drinks, smashes his glass and says

    "in nz, we have so much sand, we never drink from the same glass twice"

    then the ausie drinks his beer, smashes the heads of the sth african and newzealander together and says

    "in australia, we have so many sth africans and newzealanders that we never have to speak to the same one's twice"

    cheers :cool:
  3. hahaha!

    we got some "racist" jokes like that... but I don't know if they are politicaly correct (?)

    in france we have many people who come from magreb, and they don't have a good reputation (?)

    so there is Mohamed, Mouloud and Hakim in a car, who is drive the car?
    the cop
    I think it's funny but some people says that's racism jokes... I'm not racist... I laugh on european too, so I don't know why I can't laugh on asian people, magrebian, etc....

    there is Mr Bush, Mr Sarkozy (french président) and Mr Silva (president of portugal) in a plane
    the pilot says "we're too heavy! Throw away what you can!
    Mr Bush throw suitcases filled with dollars
    Sarkozy and Silva cry out "you are crazy!!!!"
    Mr Bush answers "ho! In USA we have too many!!"
    Then Mr Silva throw many wine
    Sarkozy and Bush cry "you are crazy!!!"
    Silva answers "ho! doesn't matter! we have too many wine in portugal!"
    So Mr Sarkozy look around him, and he don't want throw away his new rollex, then he takes Mr Silav and he throw him away the plane
    Mr Bush is surprised and cry "You are very crazy!!!" and Mr Sarkozy answers "no, we have too many portugese in France!" :LOL:
  4. If we're poking fun at the frogs...

  5. to reply to frenchgirls question about being a racist. no, just like me your not a racist, you hate everybody equally :LOL:

    lol @
    p.s. love the bar joke Stump
  6. [quotr="netterhead"]you hate everybody equally[/quote] :evil: Who have you given this information? :evil:

    :LOL: ok, I confess, I hate everyone....

    A french landed in a Swiss station. After leaving here, he sees "coffee of the Navy." He returned asap in the station and asked the attendant:
    - Why have you a coffee of the Navy while you do not have a sea or ocean?
    the attendant : so what? in France you have a house of knowledge!

    A French finds a lamp
    He rubs the lamp and a genie is released
    To thank him, the genius proposes to achieve his greatest dream
    Then, the french asked:
    "I wish a giant bridge from France to Tahiti to be able to go by car because I fear of flying"
    The genius replied:
    "you are crazy! You do not not reflect what you requests me! isn't there something that you would enjoy?"
    The french said:
    "I wish the frebch soccer team is world champion for 4 years more!!!"
    The genius then asked him:
    "Ok, your bridge: 2 or 4 lanes?"
  7. i dont get the coffee of the navy

    can you please post that joke in french, maybe something was lost in translation s'il vous plais
  8. south-french-girl, you didnt answer this

    what's his name? tis important part o the joke

    cheers :cool:
  9. coffee of the Navy : the name of a pub/bar... sorry

    a french rock star? the only "rock star" in france is called Jonnhy Haliday but he's 'has been'... :roll: he really sucks!!!!
  10. Ah, but you've got Les Hurlesments D'Leo (Sic)!
  11. Unfortunately (or fortunately), they are not stars, very few people know this kind of bands...

    I say "fortunately" because, in France, when a band is not well known and when it exist for a long time, it mean that's a good band!

    We also have Noir Desir (Bertrand Cantat), Matmatah,...
  12. Yeah, I know them both.

    D'Leo come out to Australia every couple of years. They even attempt banter in English, which doesn't work at all.
  13. This is one of the best threads ever.

  14. Re: If we're poking fun at the frogs...

    "The cheese eating surrender monkeys.
    Groundskeeper Willey"
  15. Wot he said :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    Try searching on 'french military victories' in Google
  16. Ok.......

    VICTORY Battle of Allia - 387 B.C.
    The Gauls led by Brennus defeat the army of the Roman Republic led by Quintus Sulpicius and go on to sack Rome itself.

    VICTORY Battle of Gergovia - 52 B.C.
    The Gallic Tribes led by Vercingetorix defeat the Roman Republic army of Julius Caesar.

    VICTORY Battle of Soissons - 486 A.D.
    The Franks led by King Clovis I defeat Syagrius and the remains of the Western Roman Empire.

    VICTORY Battle of Tolbaic - 496
    The Franks led by Clovis I are victorious over the Alamanni.

    VICTORY Battle of Vouille - 507
    The Franks led by Clovis I defeat Alaric II (the conqueror of Spain) and his Visigoths in a decisive victory.

    VICTORY Battle of Tours - 732
    The Franks, led by Charles Martel, decidedly defeat a large invading Muslim force

    VICTORY Battle of Pavia - 773
    Charlemagne and his Frankish forces utterly defeat King Desiderius of the Lombards.

    VICTORY Battle for Paris - 885-886
    The Franks are victorious over the invading barbarian hordes, which had lay seige to the city.

    VICTORY Battle of Val-es-Dunes - 1047
    William, the Duke of Normandy and King Henry I of France are victorious against the rebel Normans led by Guy of Burgundy.

    VICTORY Battle of Hastings - October 14, 1066
    The Normans led by William the Conquerer defeat King Harold II and his Anglo-Saxon army. William would go on to conquer all of England.

    VICTORY Battle of Dorylaeum - 1097
    Unified Christian Crusaders defeat the Seljuk Turks.

    VICTORY Battle of Ascalon - 1099
    Godfrey de Bouillon and his Crusader army defeat the Fatimids.

    VICTORY Battle of Montgisard (1177)
    King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem and Raynald de Chatillon gain a major victory over Saladin.

    VICTORY Battle of Bouvines - July 27, 1214
    Philip Augustus of France overwhelmingly defeat Germany's Otto IV and Count Ferrand of Flanders.

    VICTORY Battle of Morlaix - 1342
    French forces beat back the attacking English and force a retreat.

    VICTORY Battle of Ardres - 1531
    French forces lead victorious over the English.

    VICTORY Battle of Cocherel - May 16, 1364
    The French and Bertrand du Guesclin find victory against Charles II of Navarre.

    Battle of Montiel - 1369
    The Franco-Castilian combined forces led by Henry II of Castile find victory against a conglomerate of Portuguese, Jewish, Granadine and Marinid forces led by Pedro of Castile.

    VICTORY Battle of La Rochelle - June 22, 1372
    The French-Castilion fleet wins control of the Channel after a decisive victory over the English.

    VICTORY Battle of Chiset - 1373
    French forces, whilst laying siege to Chiset, repel an English relief force.

    VICTORY Battle of Roosebeke - November 27, 1382
    Louis II of Flanders and Philip the Bold lay waste to Philip Van Artevelde and the Flemish.

    VICTORY Battle of Bauge - March 21, 1421
    A combined force from France and Scotland defeat the English in one of the earliest English defeats of the Hundred Years' War.

    Siege of Orleans - October 12, 1428-May 8, 1429
    Jeanne d'Arc (Joan of Arc), Gilles de Rais and Jean d'Orleans of France defeat the Earl of Shrewsbury, the Earl of Salisbury and the Duke of Suffolk.

    VICTORY Battle of Jargeau - June 11-12, 1429
    Jeanne d'Arc for France leads victorious against William de la Pole of England.

    VICTORY Battle of Beaugency - June 16-17, 1429
    Jeanne d'Arc delivers another French victory over the English.

    VICTORY Battle of Patay - June 18, 1429
    La Hire and Poton de Xaintrailles of France defeat Sir John Fastolf of England, effectively turning the tide of the Hundred Years' War.

    VICTORY Siege of Compiegne - June 18, 1429
    Though Jeanne d'Arc is taken prisoner (and ultimately executed), the French resist the English siege from Philip the Good and John II of Luxembourg.

    VICTORY Battle of Gerbevoy - 1435
    French forces led by commander La Hire and Jean Poton Xaintrailles defeat the English.

    VICTORY Battle of Formigny - April 15, 1450
    Comte de Clermont and Comte de Richemont of France defeat Thomas Kyriell of England.

    VICTORY Battle of Castillon - July 17, 1453
    Charles VII of France defeats John Talbot of England.

    VICTORY Battle of Agnadello - 1509
    French forces are decidedly victorious over the Venetians.

    VICTORY Battle of Marignano - 1515
    Francis I and his French forces defeat the Swiss.

    VICTORY Battle of Ceresole - 1544
    French forces defeat the Spanish Imperial Army.

    VICTORY Battle of Rocroi - 1643
    French forces are victorious over the Spanish.

    VICTORY Battle of Nordlingen - 1645
    French forces are victorious over an army fielded by the Holy Roman Empire.

    VICTORY Battle of Lens - 1648
    French forces, once again, defeat the Holy Roman Empire's Imperial fielding.

    VICTORY Battle of Dunes - 1658
    A combined Anglo-French army is victorious over the Spanish.

    VICTORY Battle of Fleurus - 1690
    This naval battle sees the French victorious over the Anglo-Dutch.

    VICTORY Battle of Beachy Head - 1690
    Another naval battle sees the French victorious over their Anglo-Dutch counterparts.

    VICTORY Battle of Landen - 1693
    Marshal Luxembourg and his French forces decidedly defeat an Anglo-Dutch contingent.

    VICTORY Battle of Denain - 1712
    French forces led by Marshal Villars are victorious over the Austrian and Dutch forces..

    VICTORY Battle of Fontenoy - 1745
    Maurice de Saxe and his French army defeat a contingent of Anglo-Austrian-Dutch-Hano troops.

    VICTORY Battle of Roucoux - 1746
    Maurice de Saxe is once again victorious over the Anglo-Austrian-Dutch-Hano forces.

    VICTORY Battle of Lauffeld - 1747
    Maurice de Saxe is, yet again, victorious over the Anglo-Austrian-Dutch-Hano forces.

    VICTORY Battle of Hastenbeck - 1757
    French forces in Germany defeat an English army.

    VICTORY Battle of Carillon - 1758
    General Montcalm and his vastly outnumbered French forces are victorious over the British.

    VICTORY Battle of Yorktown - 1781
    French forces, allied with the Americans, are victorious over Cornwallis and his English army.

    VICTORY Battle of the Chesapeake - September 5, 1781
    France, coming the aid of America's George Washington, defeats the British in a strategic victory.

    VICTORY Battle of Valmy - September 20, 1792
    France defeats the invading armies of Prussia and Austria.

    VICTORY Battle of Fleurus - 1794
    Jourdan and his French forces are victorious over the Austrians.

    VICTORY Battle of the Vosges - July 13, 1794
    France defeats a coalition of Prussian, Austrian and Saxon troops.

    VICTORY Battle of Lodi - 1796
    The French beat back another force of Austrians.

    VICTORY Battle of Castiglione - 1796
    The French are victorious over the Austrians yet again.

    VICTORY Battle of the Bridge of Arcole - November 17, 1796
    Napoleon Bonaparte I of France leads victorious over the Austrians.

    VICTORY Battle of Rivoli - 1797
    Napoleon's French forces win over the Austrian forces once again.

    VICTORY Battle of the Pyramids - 1798
    French forces route Egyptian mamelukes.

    VICTORY Battle of Mount Tabor - 1799
    Outnumbered French forces decimate a much larger Turkish force.

    VICTORY Battle of Abukir - 1799
    Napoleon's French forces defeat another Turkish force in Egypt.

    VICTORY Second Battle of Zurich - 1799
    Massena and his French force routes the Russians in Switzerland.

    VICTORY Battle of Marengo - 1800
    Napoleon's French forces are victorious over Melas and his Austrians.

    VICTORY Battle of Hohenlinden - December 3, 1800
    A decisive French victory by General Moreau over the Austrian Empire led by Archduke John.

    VICTORY Battle of Austerlitz - December 2, 1805
    Napoleon I of France is decidedly victorious over Russia and the Austrian Empire.

    VICTORY Battle of Jena - 1806
    The French beat the Prussians.

    VICTORY Battle of Jena-Auerstedt - October 14, 1806
    Napoleon I of France is victorious over Frederick William III of Prussia.

    VICTORY Battle of Friedland - June 14, 1807
    Napoleon Bonaparte is victorious against General Bennigsen's Russians.

    VICTORY Battle of Tudela - November 23, 1808
    Jean Lannes of France is victorious over Francisco Castanos of Spain.

    VICTORY Battle of Ucles - January 13, 1809
    General Victor of France is victorious over General Venegas of Spain.

    VICTORY Battle of Ciudad-Real - March 27, 1809
    A French victory for General Sebastiani against Spain under direction from General Cartojal.

    VICTORY Battle of Eckmuhl - 1809
    The French defeat Archduke Charles and his Austrian army.

    VICTORY Battle of Wagram - July 5-6, 1809
    A decisive victory for Napoleon Bonaparte over Austria's Archduke Charles.

    VICTORY Battle of Medellin - 1809
    Marshal Victor and his French troops decidedly defeat Cuesta and his Spanish army.

    VICTORY Battle of Ocana - 1809
    Marshal Soult and his outnumbered French forces crush the Spanish army yet again.

    VICTORY Battle of Smolensk - August 17, 1812
    Napoleon Bonaparte of France is victorious against Russia led by Prince Bagration.

    VICTORY Battle of Borodino - September 7, 1812
    Napoleon Bonaparte of the First French Empire is victorious against Mikhail Illarionovich Kutuzov of the Russian Empire.

    VICTORY Battle of Dresden - 1813
    The outnumbered French route a larger multi-national contingent.

    VICTORY Battle of Lutzen - May 2, 1813
    Napoleon I of France is victorious against Germany's Gebhard von Blucher, Peter Wittgenstein and Gerhard von Scharnhorst

    VICTORY Battle of Vauchamps - February 14, 1814
    Napoleon and his band of 18,000 Frenchmen defeat 30,000 Prussian troops in the final battle of the Six Days Campaign.

    VICTORY Battle of Ligny - 1815
    Standing as Napoleon's final victory, French forces find success over the Prussians.

    VICTORY Battle of Trocadero - 1823
    The French defeat the Spanish.

    VICTORY Battle of Navarino - October 20, 1827
    A coalition force of French, British, Irish, Italian, Belgium, United States, Dutch and Russian forces defeat the Ottoman Empire and Egypt in this large-scale sea battle.

    VICTORY Invasion of Algeria - 1830
    French forces invade and conquer the North African country of Algeria.

    VICTORY Battle of Balaclava - October 25, 1854
    A coalition of French, British and Turkish troops defeat Russia during this Crimean War engagement.

    VICTORY Battle of Malakoff - 1855
    French forces help in overtaking the Russians.

    VICTORY Battle of Solferino - 1859
    The French are victorious over the Austrians.

    VICTORY Battle of Foochow - 1884
    French navy forces utterly destroy the Chinese navy.

    VICTORY First Battle of the Marne - 1914
    In a battle of millions, Anglo-French forces defeat the Germans.

    VICTORY Togoland - August 26, 1914
    A Franco-British force successfully invades the German West African protectorate of Togoland.

    VICTORY First Battle of the Marne - September 5-10, 1914
    A Franco-British force led by Joseph Joffre and John French defeat Germany led by Helmuth von Moltke and Karl von Bulow.

    VICTORY Battle of Ypres - October 19-November 22, 1914
    French and British forces gain a victory against Germany.

    VICTORY Battle of Verdun - 1916
    Casualties mount on both sides but French forces push back the German tide.

    VICTORY Battle of Vimy Ridge - April 9-12, 1917
    Though not fought by French forces, the combined Canadian and British forces gain the advantage against the Germans on French soil.

    VICTORY Second Battle of the Marne - 1918
    A lead-French force beats back the German advance with help from British, Italian and American forces.

    VICTORY Battle of Belleau Wood - June 1-26, 1918
    France, Britain and the United States led by John J. Pershing and James Harbord are victorious over the German Empire and Crown Prince Wilhelm.

    VICTORY Battle of Chateau-Thierry - July 18, 1918
    The combined French and American force (largely American) succeeds in taking the Germans by surprise.

    VICTORY Battle of Amiens - August 8-11, 1918
    French, British, Canadian and Australian forces are victorious over Germany.

    VICTORY Battle of Maysalun - 1922
    French forces rout the Syrian army.

    VICTORY Battle of Koufra - 1941
    French forces, led by LeClerc, defeat the Italians.

    VICTORY Battle of Normandy - June 6, 1944-August 25, 1944
    Foreign forces made up of British, Canadian and American troops gain the advantage on behalf of France against the Germans. Not so much a victory BY France as a victory FOR it.

    VICTORY Operation Dragoon - 1944
    Tassigny and his French forces liberate the towns of Toulon and Marseilles from German control.

    VICTORY Operation Desert Storm - January 15, 1991
    A limited contingent of French forces, allied with Argentina, Australia, Canada, Egypt, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Italy, Kuwait, Pakistan, Poland, Portugal, Saudi Arabia, South Korea, Spain, Syria, Turkey, the United Kingdom and the United States (among others), assist in liberating Kuwait from a Iraqi occupation.

    VICTORY Cote d'Ivoire - January 2003
    French peace-keeping forces succeed in stabilization of lawless western border.

    Your point????: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    Now, name me one war that the US has actually won in the last 60years..... :popcorn:
  17. At the end of the US War of Independence the British recognised the USA in the document 'The Treaty of Paris'

    However, actual fighting had mostly ceased two years earlier in 1781 (apart from some sporadic outbursts) when British troops surrendered after the seige of Yorktown. Who did they surrender to - the French army who had beseiged them.
  18. Name me one war the US has actually been in since WW2.
  19. Let me see now, just off the top of my head;

    Korea 50-53. Arses whupped by a third world peasant army.
    Vietnam 59-75. Arses whupped by a third world peasant army.
    Cambodia ~60-70s. Arses whupped by a third world peasant army.
    Iran 1980 attemped hostage rescue. Arses whupped by a third world peasant army.
    Somalia early 90's. Whupped by a third world peasant army.
    Afghanistan. Still currently being whupped by a third world peasant army.
    Iraq. Still currently being whupped by a third world peasant army.

    ....and there are plenty of others...

    You guys crack me up ...hahaha