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For Hornet600 - Pun Master

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by robsalvv, Jul 2, 2007.

  1. A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.

    After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings
    and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when he ran out of petrol.

    When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and make such an
    obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings, I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh"


    I claim NO credit for putting together the joke... just De Gaulle to post it up... well, I figured I had nothing Toulouse.

  2. Did you hear about the crazy frenchman who fell in the river???

    He was In Seine... :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  3. ha ha - Ei-ffel about on the floor laughing :LOL:
  4. Those puns are all stomach "Turners".
  5. These puns are bad enough to put me off my Tucker. :LOL:
  6. So he couldn't go oui oui oui oui oui oui oui all the way home?
  7. Initially the theif was in denile until the police tld him it was de Paris
  8. OK...

    Bad Franco/German joke coming up...

    After the end of World War II, two German ex-officers decide that they had enjoyed being in Paris so much during the war that they should go back there on holiday in 1946. They reckon it would be wiser not to advertise their nationality, so they decide to masquerade as Englishmen, in English blazers, with English accents and everything. And on their first day back in Paris they go into a cocktail bar, and one says to the barman: "Excuse me, do you speak English?"

    "Yes," says the barman.

    "Good," says the German (in English). "Can you do a Martini for us?"

    "Of course," says the barman. And he is just about to start mixing when a thought strikes him. He turns back to the customer and says: "Dry?".

    "Nein, zwei," says the German... "Ach, verdammt!!"
  9. Well, to be Franc, they were all Eifel :(.

    j/k, you've got to love the pun, thanks for the giggles.

    When we were at school we had a teacher who was a great punster, so one day we locked him in the library and told him we would only let him out if he made a pun.....

    so he said..

    o-pun the door {groan}
  10. One liner puns

    A motorcycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

    He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

    I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

    I get my large circumference from too much pi.
  11. The animal kingdom is fascinating but apparently termites are quite boring.

    What's the difference between a meat pie and a Magpie???

    Just a matter of a pinion
  12. You know that denial is not a river in Egypt, don't you.....?
  13. how embarrassment......................I idn't sllpe dneli corrtcly caues ist a jke sight :LOL: :LOL:
  14. You'd have to be in-seine to make that mistake :)
  15. O-pun the door... I like that one.

    Here's one that tickled my literary funny bone years ago:

    In romantic matters, if at first you don't succeed, try a little ardour.

    BTW, can someone explain the german one to me??? :?
  16. English : German
    One : Einz
    Two : Zwei
    Three : 'Dry'

    2 Germans = 2 drinks. The guy wanted 2, the bartender was wondering if he wanted a "Dry" drink, but the German heard "3" in his native tongue. Instinct takes over and he corrects the guy in German "Nein, Zwei" = "No, two."

    "Ach, verdammt" = "Oh damn"/similar.
  17. Ktulu, thanks for that explanation :)
  18. No probs... I hate when I don't get something and no-one explains it to me :)

    ... even worse when it's not even funny after all I'm looking at you, pun-thread!
  19. No sympathy, Chris; you are being pun-ished for some of YOUR awful efforts :p :LOL:.
  20. Paul's pun-itive measures are no laughing matter. :LOL: