You know you're Tasmanian when... Anywhere that is more than a five-minute drive from your home is considered "too far away" and if you can't park right out front of your destination, you'll do laps of the block until a spot becomes available. You would rather ram another car off the road than let it merge in front of you. You live in Launceston and think Hobart is a cold, boring, rainy hole full of latte-sipping wankers and public servants - but you've only been there twice. You live in Hobart and think Launceston is a cold, boring, polluted hole full of rednecks and bogans - but you've only been there twice. You live in Burnie or Devonport and think people from Hobart and Launceston should stop their whining because frankly you'd rather live in either place than Burnie/Devonport. You've ever been involved in an argument about whether the first class cricket/football matches should be held in Hobart or Launceston. It is considered a disgrace to your family to drink anything other than your local beer - Boag's in the north and Cascade in the south. You've visited Sydney or Melbourne and some smartarse at a hotel or business has asked to see your passport. You begin your answer to any question with 'Yeah, nah,' no matter whether you're answering in the affirmative, negative or otherwise: "You going to the pub tonight?", "Yeah, nah, I thought I'd check it out later on..." You've ever left the house in the morning wearing an overcoat, scarf, hat and sunglasses and returned home in the afternoon cold, wet and sunburnt. You or someone in your family owns a shack at a beach. You're only six degrees of separation from Crown Princess Mary of Denmark . You know how to pronounce Launceston as Lonseston and Glenorchy as Glenorky. You can easily identify 5 different subspecies of bogan: The suburban bogan, the rural bogan, Bridgewater/Gagebrook bogan, North West coast bogan and the Ravo (Launceston bogan). You ARE one of the 5 subspecies of bogan. You complain loudly about your local newspaper being full of rubbish, but believe every published word of it as if it were gospel. You've had to explain to someone that yes, Tasmanian Devils are real but no, they don't spin. The last Tasmanian Devil you saw was roadkill. You live in a city and the tap water is actually drinkable. Mainlanders complain that you talk too fast, even though they make jokes about you being too slow. You whinge about the smog but there's no way in hell you're going to stop using your wood-heater. Beer comes in pots or pints - not midis or handles and only wankers ask for schooners. The pub is a perfectly acceptable place to take someone for a first date. You can't understand what people see in Carey Lewincamp's crappy music. The Falls Festival is the single most important date on your social calendar and it is perfectly acceptable to miss weddings and funerals if you have tickets. You've gone on holidays to the Gold Coast and spent every day sitting in the shade to get away from the heat. You know what "Chigwell Ham" is. You know how to pronounce Clarendon Vale as two syllables. The only thing you can think of when leaving a nightclub at 4am is " Mykonos " or "Buster's".