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Famous quotes about women & marriage

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Kez Across, Jan 15, 2005.

  1. Famous quotes about women and marriage

    • "When a woman becomes a scholar there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs."
      Friedrich Nietzsche


      "As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied."
      Oscar Wilde


      "Direct thought is not an attribute of feminity. In this, women are now centuries behind man."
      Thomas Edison


      "Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote."
      Grover Cleveland, Former US President (1905)


      "Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilt and I'll show you a man."
      Erica Jong




      "Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property."
      Napolean Bonaparte


      "Women are nothing but machines for producing children."
      Napolean Bonaparte


      "An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."
      Agatha Christie


      "Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one."
      WC Fields


      "My wife is the sort of woman who gives necrophillia a bad name."
      Patrick Murray


      "Women should be obscene and not heard."
      Groucho Marx


      "Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking."
      Rupert Hughes


      "Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing."
      Sean Williamson


      "Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, 'Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, current account, confidence, razor blades, and good standing among your friends'."
      Jeffrey Bernard


      "A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."
      Groucho Marx


      "Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another."
      HL Mencken


      "When I have one foot in the grave, I will tell the whole truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me and say, 'Do what you like now'."
      Leo Tolstoy


      "Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel."
      Leonardo Di Vinci


      "I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house."
      Lewis Grizzard


      "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
      Patrick Murray


      "The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men."
      Aristotle


      "I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife."
      Tony Curtis


      "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
      Henry Youngman


      "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then it was too late."
      Max Kaufman


      "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
      Oscar Wilde


      "Dammit sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure."
      Oscar Wilde


      "Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
      George Burns


      "Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
      Groucho Marx


      "When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."
      Sacha Guitry


      "The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead."
      Ann Landers


      "My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
      Socrates


      "My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
      Jimmy Durante


      "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet."
      Mae West


      "It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't."
      Spike Milligan


      "Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage."
      Ambrose Bierce

    :roll: