And I know that #4 for Asians Australians is wrong...it should be something like "ip dip dog sh**" or similar. It's been a while since I chanted that phrase YOU KNOW YOU ARE INDONESIAN IF... 1. when u talk really fast, with rapid tongue movements 2. when u wear thongs or sandals everywhere, yes even in winter! 3. following above, always get bagged for wearing sandals 4. mie goreng is in the top 5 of ur fave foods 5. if you love taking photo studio pics 6. u like travelling in big group of frens, and talkin VERY loudly irrispective of your surroundings 7. almost a weekly ritual to go to church YOU KNOW YOU ARE JAPANESE IF... 1. You're obsessed with you hair, your car, and your clothes. 2. You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman (males); or you want to marry a white guy (females). 3. You're afraid of black people. 4. You only drive Japanese cars. 5. You know you are superior to all other Asians. YOU KNOW YOU ARE KOREAN IF... 1. You smoke and drink too much. 2. You wear pink Polo collar shirts, have loose beige pants, and have blonde highlights in your hair. 3. You know what a Dalki, Pucca or Mashimoro is? 4. You're afraid of black people. 5. You drive a Hyundai even though you won't admit it 6. You know you are superior to all other Asians. YOU KNOW YOU ARE CHINESE IF... 1. You think you're the smartest people in the world. 2. You have a mobile with you at all times. 3. You know the abbreviation of a.b.c. 4. Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice. 5. You're afraid of black people. 6. A bicycle was a good form of transport before. 7. You know you are superior to all other Asians. YOU KNOW YOU ARE VIETNAMESE IF... 1. You MUST have fish sauce with every meal. 2. You eat at a restaurant that has "Pho?" on the signage. 3. Guys wear green mircofibre pants with Nike sneakers, and girls wear their flared black pants over their high sole shoes. 4. You know the abbreviation of f.o.b. 5. You have some relative who is Chinese. 6. Cabramatta makes you feel home sick. 7. You're afraid of black people. 8. You're fond of 2nd hand Japanese import cars. 9. You know you are superior to all other Asians. YOU KNOW YOU ARE PHILIPINO IF... 1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you have a day job as a nurse, an engineer, or a accountant. 2. A member of your family back home is a politician or a movie star or knows one. 3. Guys with jeans and white sneakers anyone? 4. You're always late for any engagement, and practice the art of Philo time? 5. You're not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were black. 6. You love your Toyota's and Honda's. 7. You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not, because being Philipino is just cool in itself. YOU KNOW YOU ARE THAI IF... 1. People want to pay you for sex. 2. No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough. 3. You mum seems to workout at the local gym. 4. Without glasses your eyes would be the size of ants. 5. You're not afraid of black people, because in some cases you're ust as dark as they are. 6. Any car dump to the **** house is good? 7. You know in your heart that you will never be superior to all other Asians, but you've learned to live with it. YOU KNOW YOU ARE MALAYSIAN IF... 1. You believe everything the Government tells you 2. But are willing to change your mind if someone slips you $50. 3. The whole world (and Soros) is out to suppress you and your country. 4. You think that Mahathir will be around in 2020. 5. You welcome all people (be they black or otherwise) who invest in the MSC. 6. You think you are superior to most other Asians, but $50 can change that too. YOU KNOW YOU ARE SINGAPOREAN IF... 1. You eat, sleep, have sex and smile according to the policies stipulated by the Government in the Red Book they gave you when you were born. 2. The Red Book does not state that you have to be afraid of black people so you aren't. 3. You know you are superior to all other Asians, because it says so in the Red Book. YOU KNOW YOU ARE ASIAN AUSTRALIAN IF... 1. You regret the fact that you did not learn Mandarin or other Asian language properly in Saturday language school. 2. You say you're Australian, totally forgetting your roots. 3. During childhood you didn't have much asian friends, played bullrush or handball and ate 'sunny boys' for lunch. 4. A form of choosing was done by 'dip.dip dog ****?!' 5. You know you have to shop at an Asian grocery store but you have no idea what you are buying nor can you read any of the food labels. 6. You cheer for Australia during the Olympics, know local Australian bands, and know what a Vb is. 7. You can speak fluent English without an accent. 8. Know what a Commodore and Falcon are. Yes..... they are cars! 9. You know you are superior to all other Asians, despite the fact that they beat you in Maths in the VCE, can speak an Asian language fluently and know what they are buying in Asian grocery stores. TOP TEN REASONS WHY THERE WON'T BE AN ASIAN PRESIDENT ANYTIME SOON 1. White House not big enough for in-laws 2. Engineering, medicine, and law always preferred over politics 3. Oval Office has bad feng shui. 4. Can't find decent roast duck inside the beltway. 5. Secret service can't handle nagging from mother. 6. Dignitaries are generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners. 7. No chance for promotion. 8. Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct. 9. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in. 10. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles. HOW TO BE THE PERFECT ASIAN AUSTRALIAN PARENT (From the second generation perspective) 1. Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew. 2. Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with grade on his/her report card. 3. Don't "ai-yah" loudly at your kid's dress habits. 4. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Habad (Harvard), Yeil(Yale), Purinsiton (Princeton), or Stamfud (Stanford). 5. Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community. 6. Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" if he/she majors in a non-science field. 7. Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs. 8. Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills. 9. Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" or "When are you getting married?" into your daily conversations with your children. 10. Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girl friend yet. 50 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE AN "ASIAN" (*The NEW List from the 1st to 1.5 Generation Perspective*) 1. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs. 2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or finance. 3. You have more than one-college degree, especially more than one Master's. 4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano. 5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table. 6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil. 7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it. 8. You beat eggs with chopsticks. 9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door. 10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack. 11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times. 12. You boil water before drinking. 13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean. 14. You don't use measuring cups when preparing foods. 15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage. 16. You have a rice cooker. 17. You're a wok user. 18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill. 19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it. 20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup. 21. You don't dry-clean clothes, even if they need to be dry-cleaned. 22. You iron your own shirts. 23. You like congee with thousand year old eggs. 24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it. 25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full. 26. You do either soccer, swimming, badminton, volleyball, basketball, or ping pong, and have an obsession with making the Beijing Olympics. 27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off. 28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water. 29. You hate to waste food: a) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing. 30. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars. 32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them. 33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel. 34. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save every time you get take out or go to McDonald's. 35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes). 36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table. 37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself. 38. When you go to a dance party, there is always a group of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool. 39. Your house/aparment is always cold in winter, and hot in summer. 40. Your Mom drives her Mercedes to Foodtown, or Shoppers Food Warehouse regardless how far it is, even if the dairy is next door. 41. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents. 42. You only make long distance calls after 11pm or during weekends. 43. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached. 44. You never call your parents just to say hi. 45. You think ONLY Japanese can make good CARS! 46. You use a colored face cloth every morning. 47. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places. 48. Almost all your money is in a savings account 49. You never discuss your love life with your parents. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: 50. You take this message and forward it to all your Asian friends From 1 proud Asian to another, forward this to every damn Asian you know.