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Employment prospect

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by nil_orally, Apr 23, 2005.

  1. A guy walks into his local Western suburbs Centrelink office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi! I hate being on the dole. I'd really rather have a job."

    The clerk behind the Centrelink desk says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur come bodyguard for his 18 year old nymphomaniac daughter.

    You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.

    Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.

    You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips and look after her every need.

    You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

    The guy says, "You're bullshi**ing me!"

    The Centrelink officer says, "Yeah, well, you started it"
  2. I havent been to centrelink for a while. Ahhhh the memories
  3. reply

    OK. For all those currently unemployed, due to whatever reason other than for those pensioned off, how long have you been unemployed????

    That is full employment, not casual, or volunteer. Those don't count. You can be on casual or volunteer, that still counts as unemployed.

    I'll start off. 10 yrs and 4 months.


  4. I have been verrry verrry lucky, joined the army @ 16, and never been unemployed since.

    I'm the only "breadwinner" in the family, so covering mortgage, school fees, medical bills (I don't really hate anyone, by the stars I'm farkin close to hating little johnny howard for screwing people who need decent medical access) has been hard work, as I get very few allowances/benefits in return for the tax I've paid since 16.

    I had planned to retire @ 37 when I left the army, but thanks to trusting state and federal gov't I'm still working, and giving 40% of my pay straight to piggy costello (army pension isn't enough to live on, but also counts as primaty income for taxation purposes)

    Sigh, oh well, I'm one of the lucky ones I guess...
    Good luck to all those looking for work.

  5. Re: reply

    10 years and 4 months? that's quite a while, i take it your unemployment is based on a decision not to work rather than difficulty finding a job?
  6. I tried not working once in 1980, that nearly lasted 2 weeks. Then I retired in 1997, some bastard offered me a jpb I couldn't refuse. Managed 5 weeks retired then. Might try again in 5 years time. I reckon 50 is young enough to take it easy