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Effective Anger Management

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Lazy Libran, Jun 24, 2015.

  1. When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
    out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out out
    on someone you don't know.

    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to
    make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying, "Hello."

    I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"
    Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone
    could be so rude.

    I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided
    to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I
    yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

    I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in
    my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a
    really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling
    would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?"

    He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

    I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

    One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some
    guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently
    waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot.
    The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window ...so,
    I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the
    first asshole, (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW
    asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

    "Yes, it is."

    "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

    "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's
    parked right out in front."

    "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a
    good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five." "Listen,
    Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Don, you're an asshole." Then I
    hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too! .

    Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

    But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used
    to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.


    "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

    "Are you still there?" he asked.

    "Yeah," I said.

    "Stop calling me," he screamed.

    "Make me," I said.

    "Who are you?" he asked.

    "My name is Don Hansen."

    "Yeah? Where do you live?"

    "Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black
    Beamer parked in front."

    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying
    your prayers."

    I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

    Then I called Asshole #2.

    "Hello?" he said.

    "Hello, asshole," I said.

    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are?"

    "You'll what?" I said.

    "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

    I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
    1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay

    Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th Street.

    There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of
    squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

    NOW, I feel better. Anger management "Bringing people together to advance
    their lives."
    • Funny Funny x 16
    • Like Like x 5
    • Winner Winner x 3
    • Informative Informative x 1
  2. An oldie but a goodie.
  3. But what if Asshole #2 sold the Beemer?
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
  4. I counted three assholes.
    • Like Like x 3
  5. Love it.
  6. This put a smile on my face:)