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Doctor Jokes (add your own...)

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by spawn, Feb 2, 2011.

  1. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress.

    After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

    "Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

    "That is right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.

    "Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

    "Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

    "Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place."
  2. man walks into a podiatrist and slaps his nob on the counter. "that's not a foot" says the doctor. "No, but it's a good ten inches" says the man

    boom boom.

  3. (Hear this in the voice of an old Jewish mother) "Is there a doctor in the house?? Is there a doctor in the house? I need a doctor. Is there a doctor in the house?"

    "Yes, I am a doctor."

    "You're a doctor?"

    "Yes I am."

    "Oi doctor, have I got a daughter for you !!"

    (from "You Don't Have To Be Jewish / When You're In Love The Whole World Is Jewish" in 1966)
  4. Recent medical journals now counsel doctors that, when testing stupid people, to refrain from telling them that they have sugar in their urine.Otherwise, they'll go home and piss on their corn flakes.

    What did the doctor say before performing a circumcision?
    "It won't be long now....!!"
  5. discount circumcisions. Half off.
  6. Man goes into the doctor's office and says "Doctor I need help. I think I am a moth."
    Doctor says "I am a GP you need to see a Psychiatrist"
    Man sys, "I know, but your light was on."
  8. Brilliant :LOL: