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Diary of an Alice Springs Summer

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by gsxr1000, Feb 2, 2006.

  1. Hey everyone, this is a funny i found while surfing the net! enjoy.


    August 31st

    Just got transferred with work into our new home in Alice Springs!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the veranda It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

    September 13th:

    Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a leisure to see the sun everyday like his. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

    September 30th:

    Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

    October 10th

    The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

    October 15th:

    Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

    October 20th:

    I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

    October 25th:

    The wind sucks. It feels like a giant fcukin blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.

    October 30th:

    Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $300,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

    November 4th:

    It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bloody humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid fcukin place.

    November 8th:

    If another wise arse cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to fcukin throttle him. fcukin heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin fcukin wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

    November 9th:

    Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my fcukin arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my fcukin arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse, and baked cat.

    November 10th:

    The weather report might as well be a fcukin recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and fcukin sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn fcukin place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the fcukin pool. Even the
    palms can't live in this fcukin heat.

    November 14th:

    Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my arse out of jail for assulting the stupid fcuker. fcuk Alice Springs! What kind of a sick demented fcukin idiot would want to live here?

    December 1st:

    WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are fcukin kiddin
  2. There's a Miami / New York variation in this too.

    And if you've been to the top end in summer, you know it's true; I walked out of an air-conditioned shop in Darwin and my glasses instantly fogged over with the humidity. Our plane landed for 10 minutes in the Alice on the way back to Adelaide; it was the hottest 10 minutes I can remember :LOL: