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Dear Honda...

Discussion in 'Technical and Troubleshooting Torque' started by FriendlyFire, Dec 12, 2011.

  1. Dear Honda,

    This morning I didn't know what a cam follower was, or that my motorcycle didn't go.

    At midday I knew something was stopping my clutch from going in and out, or doing anything. I also knew, instinctively, that this was related to why my motorcycle wouldn't proceed at a reasonable pace down the driveway.

    By 5pm I knew what a cam follower was, what it looked like, what it did, where it was supposed to be in the whole clutch process and, importantly, where it is not supposed to be.

    Where it is not supposed to be is in the engine block, floating freely on a sea of oil, adventuring through chasms and valleys, peaks and hills of shiny, lubricated machined parts. It is not supposed to sail among the cogs and plates, over filters and around springs, it is not supposed to surf through the sump, nor is it meant to beach itself deep within the catacombs of cast metal inside the crankcase.

    Without your rider's handbook demanding I clean the oil screen every 1,000km, I would never have learned about the humble, adventurous cam follower, because I would never have removed the right crankcase cover to get at the screen, and would never have had the cam follower fall off inside the block while I was reinstalling said crankcase cover.

    I would, instead, have merely changed the oil and not bothered to scratch off the 0.75 grams of vegetable and/or bug matter that had accumulated on the oil screen in the last thirty years - like the previous owners of my bike had done, smartly ignoring your idiotic advice and not breaking that seal.

    Without this demand, I would also have not broken the gasket on the crankcase cover, which was so old and atrophied after thirty years of doing nothing it turned into something akin to black, dried pasta.

    So thank you, Honda, for insisting I perform this task. Not only will I have to turn the bike sideways or upside down to find that cam follower (and I can't wait to hear of the adventures it had, nor to have the bike fall on me again!) I get to catch a bus to Northland tomorrow to buy some Stag and catch a bus back to try and kludge the gasket on the right crankcase cover.

    It is important I kludge that gasket, that I find the cam follower, that I get the bike started. I have a date tomorrow afternoon. A very important one, with someone far more attractive than the inside of a crankcase. It is of a great deal of importance that I arrive at said date on time, which is impossible via the Melbourne public transport system. Not to mention how much cooler one looks when one arrives to a date on a motorcycle rather than via a bus.

    Thank you, Honda, for all these precious experiences. But next time, please, can you just use an oil filter like everyone else?

    • Like Like x 6
  2. Well written. Sympathy. And some giggles. Good luck.

    With your luck she'll spend the whole date rabbiting on about how cool and green the public transport system is.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Welcome to the wonderful world of elderly Hondas. You get used to it. Then you chuck the whole thing in a skip and go and buy a decent bike. Like an MZ :D.

    BTW, I hope you have some heavy duty hand cleaner on your shopping list because mottled grey hands and black fingernails are unlikely to improve your chances of getting beyond (or even to) first base :D.
  4. If you think a CB250RS is going to get you laid, your sadly very mistaken dude!
    • Like Like x 6
  5. But it's so tiny, cute and unthreatening :D.
  6. some friendly fire there
  7. Have you cafe'd that thing out yet, that will get you a few ticked boxes for a date ;P. My first road bike was a cb250rs and I also know of the wonderful adventures metal shavings have inside that little thumper, still a great little machine.
  8. and so is the bike...

  9. What was that website? - "Funny shit my Dad says..."

    "So you bought a Honda Accord. ... r-i-g-h-t-! Just understand - nobody gets wet panties over a Honda Accord."
  10. Untill VTEC kicks in :D
  11. So you looked inside and you found nothing but so many mechanical apparati?

    I knew Hondas have no soul!
  12. And here's me thinking if I stopped going in to your shop I'd stop having to put up with your bike elitism and penis compensation! What century did I think I was in?

    Also, your assumption I'm a dude may bias your idea of the impression a CB250RS could make on someone.

    Also, the CB250RS is hell cool no matter what you say, bucko.
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Har Har! owned!
  14. Chuck five kilos of C4 under the damn thing and someone will get ... moist!
  15. Yeah baby....replace a honda with anything TWO STROKE....

    ( shows honda the well deserved finger )
  16. bahahahahaa great read mate sorry about the cam follower tho
  17. #17 Tone2, Dec 13, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 24, 2015
    If you don't make it to the date on the bike, just tell them it isn't everyone who gets to see your bike but you'd be happy to show them on the *second* date.
  18. What a beautifully written post.
  19. IMHO the CB250 RS is a real motorcycle........a lot of fun, very economical and started by foot.
  20. Here you go