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Darwin Awards

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by skoota, Nov 7, 2006.

  1. These are always enjoyable to read. It's nice to know that there is an
    endless supply off nut cases out there to keep these awards going.

    Darwin Awards-2006 It is hard to believe that
    there are people this stupid but folks, they are out there.

    It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual
    honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service
    by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last
    year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which

    toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda

    This year's winner was a real rocket scientist... really!

    And the nominees were:

    Semifinalist #6

    A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
    because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
    milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited
    into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
    burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

    Semifinalist #5

    Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
    when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon
    occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft
    crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants
    around their ankles.

    Semifinalist #4

    A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use
    octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle.
    Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a
    bunch of
    these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the
    other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the
    pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators
    think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length
    of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance
    the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent

    cause of death was "Major trauma."

    Semifinalist #3

    A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
    friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
    The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was

    Semifinalist #2
    Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
    of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building
    all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the
    building had

    been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.

    Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating
    in the dark.

    To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
    described the

    sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
    retrieving an object

    that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the
    lighter-like object,

    the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three
    away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was
    untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the
    blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.

    Now ladies and gentleman, the #1 winner of this year's Darwin Award:

    The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
    embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a
    The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a
    car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.
    Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur
    rocket scientist... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit

    (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to
    give heavy
    military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short
    airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and
    found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to
    car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!

    The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the
    1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0
    miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and
    melted asphalt at that location.

    The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust
    within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of
    350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
    The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces
    usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,
    causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
    However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5
    miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted
    the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the
    road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and
    impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened
    crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

    Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small
    ragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and
    fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris
    believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

    Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground
    speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not on
    the ground.
  2. Sorry bro, this ain't from 2006. It's oooooooold and fake to boot. ;)

    Try www.darwinawards.com for the rool dool.
  3. Even made it to mythbusters.
  4. Yes, I read the croc one, so funny :LOL:

    Surely the collective Darwin Award ought to go to Premier Morris Iemma's Labor Government in NSW; will there be any of them left by March next year???
  5. I know but it was good for alaugh.