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Customer Service

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by Tweetster, Sep 10, 2009.

  1. Actual call center conversations!

    Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?"
    Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
    Customer: "It's on the door of your business."
    Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."




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    Samsung Electronics
    Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
    Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about."
    Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
    Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."


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    RAC Motoring Services
    Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?"
    Operator: "Does the product name give you a clue?"


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    Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
    "If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"


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    Directory Enquiries
    Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please"
    Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?"
    Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."


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    Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
    Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
    Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland..."


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    On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
    "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on."


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    Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
    Customer: "OK."
    Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No."
    Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No."
    Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
    Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."


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    Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
    Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"


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    Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?"



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  2. If TL/DR, WAIT! its worth it :grin:



    There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a
    long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This
    is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed
    from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to
    say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing
    the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
    Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now
    I know why they record these conversations!):

    Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
    Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
    Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
    Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden
    the words went away."
    Operator: "Went away?"
    Caller: "They disappeared."
    Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
    Caller: "Nothing."
    Operator: "Nothing??"
    Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

    Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
    Caller: "How do I tell?"
    Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
    Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
    Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
    screen?"
    Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't
    accept anything I type."
    Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
    Caller: "What's a monitor?"
    Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like
    a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
    Caller: "I don't know."
    Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
    where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
    Caller: "Yes, I think so.."
    Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
    it's plugged into the wall.
    Caller: "Yes, it is."
    Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
    there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
    Caller: "No."
    Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again
    and find the other cable."
    Caller: "Okay, here it is."
    Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
    securely into the back of your computer."
    Caller: "I can't reach."
    Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
    Caller: "No."
    Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and
    lean way over??"
    Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle
    - it's because it's dark."
    Operator: "Dark??"
    Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light
    I have is coming in from the window.
    " Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
    Caller: "I can't."
    Operator: "No? Why not??"
    Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
    Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it
    licked now.
    Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer
    came in??"
    Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
    Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack
    it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store
    you bought it from."
    Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
    Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
    Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell
    them??"
    Operator: "Tell them you're too #%$%$% stupid to own a
    computer!!!!!"
     
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