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Correct Use Of Language At Work

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by grange, Feb 5, 2011.

  1. It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We do however; realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

    TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
    INSTEAD OF: And when the **** do you expect me to do this?

    TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
    INSTEAD OF: No ****ing way.

    TRY SAYING: Really?
    INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!

    TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
    INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

    TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
    INSTEAD OF: It's not my ****ing problem.

    TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
    INSTEAD OF: What the ****?

    TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
    INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.

    TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
    INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

    TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
    INSTEAD OF: Who the hell cares?

    TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
    INSTEAD OF: **** it, I'm on salary.

    TRY SAYING: I see.
    INSTEAD OF: Blow me.

    TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
    INSTEAD OF: Another ****ing meeting!

    TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
    INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a shit.
  2. An oldie but a goodie - always enjoy this one.