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cop quotes

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by es, Sep 12, 2005.

  1. seeing as my last funny thread got deleted......

    So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor.... The
    following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

    #15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
    stretch out after you wear them awhile."

    #14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth
    certificate a worthless document."

    #13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

    #12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you
    didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my

    #11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means
    I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

    #10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't
    think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift

    #9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do
    that again or I'll give you another ticket."

    #8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
    drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

    #7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where
    you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#*!."

    #6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a

    #5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

    #4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

    #3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas
    but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

    #2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good ! personal friend
    of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

    and the best one . .

    #1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ...... You're
    right, we don't. ... Sign here."
  2. Solid gold, eswen....I love it.

    I like #13 best.

  3. You can just hear southern cops drawling out these classics, can't you?
  4. Misleading thread topic. I thought this was going to be about getting competative prices on corrupt wallopers.