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Cooperisms....

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by Tweetster, Feb 25, 2010.

  1. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
    ...
    So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".
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    You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
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    The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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    So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".
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    I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".
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    So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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    So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
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    But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
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    So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.
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    So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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    But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.
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    So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?". I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".
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    You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
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    So I rang up British Telecom,I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", He said "Not you again".
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    So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt. He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".
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    Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example Goran, even he's a witch.
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    And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.
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    So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".
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    So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".


     
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  2. =D>

    Awesome.
     
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