ACCESS TIME- The time between buying a new bike and getting it home, at which time either the warranty has expired, or something breaks that isn't covered by the aformentioned warranty. ASSEMBLER- The guy that puts your bike's engine together after you tear it down and discover you haven't the slightest idea how to put it back together. BIT- The increment by which riders slowly go mad after discovering how much the Assembler has charged them (see ASSEMBLER). BREAKPOINT- The point at which you have absolutely no money or other form of transportation and your cycle commits suicide. CHAINING- A curious pastime conducted on rarely-used backroads and abandoned trails that consists of repeatedly yelling profanities and striking a bike's seat, rear fender/tail section and tires with small interconnected lengths of metal that, save for a missing item known as a masterlink, would normally be used to propel said bike. CHECKPOINT- A location chosen at random by helpful law enforcement officials to assist motorcyclists in discovering that they have left their licenses, registrations, and proof of insurance at home. COUNTER- An area at your local dealers, over which will pass several thousands of dollars, all of it yours, and for which you will recieve a small, insignificant part that probably cost .0045 cents to produce. Yet, when said part is missing from your motorcycle, it causes absolutely nothing to happen, including internal combustion. CRASH- The point during a turn immediately after the bike's tires decide to inform you that they are somewhat low on tread. DEFAULT- Term used by friendy law enforcement personnel and insurance adjusters to direct blame after an accident. DISKETTES- New type of brake similar to disc brakes, but created and named by trendy yuppie designers. DOCUMENTATION- A manual that comes with the bike, consisting of incorrect, misleading, and useless information, all of which you must follow to the letter to conform to the sales agreement, and therefore the warranty. ERROR- Clerical function as common as addition, subtraction, and multiplication. Used primarily in financing agreements (see I/O DEVICE). EXTERNAL STORAGE- The 2 by 2 inch space on a bike, 1 inch of which is occupied by a lock, that you are expected to carry a full complement of tools in. FIXED WORD LENGTH- Denotes the primary length for profanities, and four-letter words uttered when said bike falls over on soft tar, dumbo motorist cuts in front of, etc etc FLOATING CONTROL-Characteristic exhibited by riders that have to go to the bathroom, but are on a particularly visible section of expressway. FLOATING POINT- The absolute limit before Floating Control is lost. HARDWARE- Type of store frequented by riders wishing to purchase a .05 cent bolt that would normally cost $9.00 at the local Bike dealer's. I/O DEVICE- Contract signed with a major finacial institutuion in order to get a loan for a new/old bike. LOAD- What is released after reaching the Floating Point. MICROSECOND- Amount of time needed for a rider to see a vehicle swerve into his path, shout several thousand profanities, say several thousand prayers, and release a load (see LOAD) (see also ON-LINE). MONITOR- Process by which helpful and friendly law-enforcement personnel assist the motorcyclist in determining current speedometer error and issuing a light penalty afterward. OFF-LINE- The point at which a motocross or enduro rider unintentionally veers from his intended course and into the path of an oncoming tree. ON-LINE- The point after the motocross or enduro rider avoids an oncoming tree and has also released a load (see LOAD). PRINTOUT- A document itemizing several thousand dollars in parts ordered from a cycle dealer, and upon which the parts are taped.