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Computer Help Desk

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by Pink Angel, Mar 2, 2006.

  1. Dear Help Desk,

    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend ver. 5.0 to Husband ver 1.0
    and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes
    to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewellery
    applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

    In addition,Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
    such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as
    FOOTBALL 5.0 and CRICKET 3.0.
    Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply
    crashes the system.

    I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no
    avail.

    Please help!
    Desperate

    ------------------------------------------

    Dear Desperate,

    Please keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment
    package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

    Try to enter the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME and then
    install Tears 6.2.
    Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty
    3.0 and Flowers 7.0. but remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to
    default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.



    Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" WAV
    sound files.

    DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend
    program.
    These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

    In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have
    limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
    Consider buying additional software to improve performance.
    I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Massage 5.3.

    Help Desk.
     
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  2. ive seen this before, wait a minute. its different..

    heres the original ----

    Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the
    new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space
    and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the
    product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other
    programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all
    other system activity.
    Applications such as Poker Night 6.3, Beer at the Pub 2.5 and Sunday
    Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot
    seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my
    other favorite applications. I am thinking about going to Girlfriend 8.0,
    but un-install does not work on this program.
    Can you help me, please!!!
    Thanks, Joe

    *********


    Dear Joe:
    This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a
    primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
    1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT"
    program.
    Not true! Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run
    EVERYTHING. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still
    convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system
    would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is
    impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system
    once installed.
    You can not go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do
    this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with
    more problems than the original system.
    Look in your manual under"Warnings-Alimony/Child Support."
    I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife
    1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section
    regarding General Partnership Faults(GPFs). You must assume all
    responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their
    cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
    In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately you will
    have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return
    to normal. The system will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all
    the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.
    Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0.

    I recommend Flowers 2.1, Chocolates 5.0 and, as a last resort, Diamond
    Bracelet 4.2 or even BMW Z3. Do not, under any circumstances, install
    Secretary With Huge Boobs 99. This is not a supported application for Wife
    1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible and incredibly expensive damage to
    the operating system.

    Best of luck.
    Tech Support
     
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