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Combat for Dummies

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by nil_orally, Jun 3, 2005.

  1. Advice and instructions taken from actual military sources. Some of these guys must have had a sense of humor

    "Aim towards the enemy."
    --Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher

    "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
    --U.S. Marine Corps

    "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
    --USAF Ammo Troop

    "If the enemy is in range, so are you."
    --Infantry Journal

    "A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
    --Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

    "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
    --U.S. Air Force manual

    "Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo."
    --Infantry Journal

    "Tracers work both ways."
    --U.S. Army Ordnance

    "Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
    --Infantry Journal

    "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
    --David Hackworth

    "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
    --Infantry Journal

    "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
    --Joe Gay

    "Any ship can be a minesweeper....once."

    "Never tell the platoon sergeant you have nothing to do."
    --Unknown Marine Recruit

    "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
    --Infantry Journal

    "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
    --USAF Ammo Troop
  2. Funny stuff but oh so true for the septics.

    Came across one of their training manuals several years ago,
    all pictures and bubble captions, just like a comic book.
    Asked the owner "why?"
    "makes it easier for the marines to read" was the answer. :shock:
  3. Whatever it takes. :wink:
  4. Its Sun Tzu simplified. :wink:
  5. You have to remember that with tracer rounds only 1 in 6 is a tracer round
  6. Reverse Russian Roulette.

  7. Speaking about Russian Roulette,

    Some guy used a semi-auto .45 Colt lol.

    On the Claymores it says "Front towards enemy"
  8. Never walk backwards when using a mine sweeper.
  9. 1 in 50 for arcraft ammo though (or there abouts)

    make you realize just how many bullets do get fired from a mingun.

  10. ahhh no...is it going to benefit me is nome way????
  11. Original claymore is a double edged sword, they called the claymore mine just that as it's almost as deadly from behind :? I dunno how many of those things I've seen set up arse about. :roll: (luckily dummy "drill" versions only)

    Theres a story that in vietnam some APC's had mounted claymores to the outside of the hull, idea being if it got caught with the NVA crawling over it trying to find a way in, they could just let the claymores go.

    Walla!! all enemy gone. Inside it was very loud, outside very messy, you also got to clean any other APC's nearby. The other way to do it was to use the APC's 30 cal to clean the hull of the APC next door, not good if you opened up with a 50 cal by mistake :(

    Anyways, the story goes that some knobhead US military police saw this idea, and thought it would be real good to mount claymores on the outside of their jeep, that way if they were caught out at one of the traffic control points, they could mount up and speed away asap, letting rip with the claymores for good measure. Worked well in the test, except it also took out the jeep due to the backblast of the claymore!!! :shock: :shock:

    It's probably just a myth, but having had the "pleasure" of working with some US military military, it's very, very believable.

  12. yep got my arse kicked by the Cheif QMG for this one,
    anyway who in there right mind would let a Medic get behind a 50cal

    i still remember him yelling ............. 3 tracer bursts only you F***ing scab lifter, not 8 !!!!

    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  13. Still only 1 per six per barrel on a minigun though. Works out if my maths is correct and I am not sure of that, then 1in 36 on a minigun firing 2000 rounds per min makes a solid line of shot
  14. In In Good Company, there's a story where an Australian RRF team was sent out to clean up after one of our APCs was hit with a RPG. The explosion detonated the ammunition liner that was packed with Claymores on top of the APC. It ripped off the rear and most of one side...

    Although I've also heard of MBTs strapped with claymores. Still, it'll give the tankies one big headache afterwards :)