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Collingwood jokes.

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by deyago, Apr 14, 2005.

  1. Q. What do you do for a drowning Collingwood player? A. Nothing. You could
    drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway. >
    > ====================
    >
    > Q. What's the difference between Collingwood and an arsonist? A. An

    > arsonist wouldn't waste 22 matches.
    >
    > =====================
    >
    > Collingwood are bringing out a new bra! Plenty of support,
    > soft and no CUP!!!
    >
    > =====================
    >
    > Did you hear that the Post Office has had to recall their
    > latest stamps? They had pictures of Collingwood players on
    > them. People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
    >
    > =====================
    >
    > Did you hear about the politician who was found dead in a
    > Collingwood jersey?
    >
    > The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order
    > to save his family from the embarrassment.
    >
    > =====================
    >
    > Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says,
    > "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open
    > them up everything inside them is numbered." The second
    > surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything
    > inside them is in alphabetical order."
    >
    > Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside
    > them is colour-coded."
    >
    > The fourth one says, "I prefer Collingwood players. They're
    > heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are
    > interchangeable."
    >
    > =====================
    >
    > A man meets a friend and sees that his friend's car is total
    > write-off and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and
    >blood.
    >
    > He asks his
    > friend "What's happened to your car ?"
    >
    > "Well," the friend responds, "I ran over Nathan Buckley".
    > "OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what
    > about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt ?"
    >
    > "Well, he tried to escape through the
    > park."
    >
    > =====================
    >
    >
    > Q. If you see a Collingwood fan on a bicycle, why should you
    > never swerve to hit him?
    >
    > A. It could be your > bicycle.
    >
    > =====================
    >
    > Q. What do Collingwood fans and sperm have in common?
    > A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
    >
    > =====================
    >
    > Q. What do you have when 100 Collingwood fans are buried up
    > to their necks in sand? A. Not enough sand.
    >
    > =====================
    >
    > Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and
    > a dead Collingwood fan on the road? A. There are skid marks
    > in front of the dog.
    >
    > =====================
    >
    > Q. You're
    > trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a
    > Collingwood fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?

    >
    > A. Shoot the Collingwood fan - twice.
    >
    > =====================
    >
    > Q. How many Collingwood fans does it take to change a light bulb?
    >
    > A. Seven - one to change it, five to moan about it and make
    > excuses and Mick Malthouse to say that if the umpire had done
    > his job in the first place the light bulb would never have
    > gone out.
    >
    > ======================
    >
    > Q. What's the difference between a female Collingwood
    > fan and a Pit > bull?
    >
    > A. Lipstick
    >
    > ======================
    >
    > Q. Santa Claus , the tooth fairy , an intelligent Collingwood
    > fan, and an old drunk are walking down the street together
    > when they simultaneously spot a $100.00 note. Who gets it?
    >
    > A. The drunk, of course ; the other three are mythical creatures.

    >
    > =======================
    >
    >
    >
    > Q. What is black and brown and looks good on a Collingwood
    > Fan? A. A Doberman.
    >
    > =======================
    >
    > Q. What do Collingwood Fans use for birth control ?
    > A. Their personalities.
    >
    > =======================
    >
    > Q. What is the difference between an Collingwood Fan and a
    > trampoline?
    >
    > A. You take off your shoes to jump on a
    > trampoline.
    >
    > =======================
    >
    > Q. What do you call 5000 dead Collingwood Fans at the bottom
    > of the ocean? A. A good start.
    >
    > =======================
    >
    > A Collingwood fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in
    > his Collingwood jumper. He knocks on the old pearly gates and
    > out walks St Peter in a St Kilda scarf. "Hello, mate," says
    > St Peter, "I'm sorry, no Collingwood fans in heaven." "What?"
    > exclaims the man, astonished. "You heard. No Collingwood
    > fans." "But, but, but, I've been a good man," replies the
    > Collingwood supporter. "Oh, really?" says St Peter. "What
    > have you done then?" "Well," says the guy, "three weeks
    > before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the starving children in
    > Africa." "Oh," says St Peter. "Anything else?" "Well, two
    > weeks before I died, I also gave 20 bucks to the homeless."
    > "Hmmm. Anything else?" "Yeah. A week before I died, I gave
    > 20 bucks to the Albanian orphans." "Okay," says St Peter,
    > "you wait here a minute while I have a word with the
    > governor." Ten minutes pass before St Peter returns. He
    > looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with
    > God and he agrees with me. Here's your sixty bucks back, now
    > get lost."


     
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  2. Being a Collingwood supporter I was sent these after that debacle they call the 2003 Grand Final. :cry:

    But the funnist thing is that it was a St Kilda supporter who sent it to me, and their record is crap - like 1 flag and 26 wooden spoons :roll:
     
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  3. A dole bludger, a drunk, and a collingwood supporter walk into a bar...









    ...and that was just the first bloke
     
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  4. bwahahahahahhahahahahaaaa :LOL: :LOL:

    oh man.... stitches.... it hurts :LOL: :LOL:




    but i'd be happy to give up all the collingwood jokes in the world just to get rid of EDDIE FUGGEN MAGUIRE :evil: somebody PLEASE tell him to GET THE FARK OFF MY TELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! :shock: arrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :evil:
     
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  5. deyago,
    If I could buy warnings you would get them!! Ban deyago, must be a Carlton supporter....

    Go Pies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    one eye and can still ride bike...lol
     
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  6. Here, here!! Round our place he's just called FATHEAD MAGUIRE
     
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  7. Someone here must be a Carlton supporter.
    Pffft even with 5 gimmes in front of goal your night premiers couldn't beat a team ramshackled together with 4 of their starts out injured.


    Get over yourself carlton boy.


    :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p \:D/ \:D/ \:D/ \:D/

    p.s they are very funny:-0)
     
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  8. reply

    Yeah, ha ha f&^%*(g Ha Ha

    Grrrrrr


    Brian
     
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  9. GO THE BOMBERS!!!!!!!! :D :LOL:

    See you pie boys on Monday :twisted: :)
     
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  10. Buy them? Shite, I'll give them to you for free!! Jake just earned himself 4 more warnings ...mwahahahahaha. Will kick you ass on Monday Jake!!!!! What a pity you won't to post to your taunts anymore because of too many warnings!!!!. Mwahahahahahah
     
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  11. funny

    :D those jokes r great i want to read more!!!! :p
    well its great being a carlton supporter!!!!
    bloody woods
     
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  12. Argh pure Gold. Nothing better than bashing those Black and White Maggots.
    Especially last Friday when the Mighty Roos beat them.

    CARNA ROOS.

    Cheers 8)
     
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  13. Re: funny

    I bet it wasn't great the other week :p:p:p:LOL::LOL::LOL:

    Sorry mate, couldn't help myself. :wink:

    Cheers
    Lids
    :D :D
     
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  14. Roos didn't beat the pies.
    Tarrant and Caracella lost it for them.!!!!!!!!!!

    :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :( :( :(
     
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  15. You missed one:

    "I support 2 footy teams - <insert team name here> and who ever is playing against Collingwood."
     
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  16. more collingwood jokes?????
     
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  17. Reminding Collingwood fans of their grand final adventures is oh so much fun...

    Harmes kicks the ball. Chases it, dives for the ball, taps it to the goal square, Sheldon picks it up and SCORES!!!!! :LOL:
    Carlton win the Grand Final. Woo Hoo!!!! \:D/ \:D/ \:D/

    It was not out Eddie. [-X [-X
     
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