Q. What do you do for a drowning Collingwood player? A. Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway. > > ==================== > > Q. What's the difference between Collingwood and an arsonist? A. An > arsonist wouldn't waste 22 matches. > > ===================== > > Collingwood are bringing out a new bra! Plenty of support, > soft and no CUP!!! > > ===================== > > Did you hear that the Post Office has had to recall their > latest stamps? They had pictures of Collingwood players on > them. People couldn't figure out which side to spit on. > > ===================== > > Did you hear about the politician who was found dead in a > Collingwood jersey? > > The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order > to save his family from the embarrassment. > > ===================== > > Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, > "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open > them up everything inside them is numbered." The second > surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything > inside them is in alphabetical order." > > Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside > them is colour-coded." > > The fourth one says, "I prefer Collingwood players. They're > heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are > interchangeable." > > ===================== > > A man meets a friend and sees that his friend's car is total > write-off and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and >blood. > > He asks his > friend "What's happened to your car ?" > > "Well," the friend responds, "I ran over Nathan Buckley". > "OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what > about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt ?" > > "Well, he tried to escape through the > park." > > ===================== > > > Q. If you see a Collingwood fan on a bicycle, why should you > never swerve to hit him? > > A. It could be your > bicycle. > > ===================== > > Q. What do Collingwood fans and sperm have in common? > A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being. > > ===================== > > Q. What do you have when 100 Collingwood fans are buried up > to their necks in sand? A. Not enough sand. > > ===================== > > Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and > a dead Collingwood fan on the road? A. There are skid marks > in front of the dog. > > ===================== > > Q. You're > trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a > Collingwood fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do? > > A. Shoot the Collingwood fan - twice. > > ===================== > > Q. How many Collingwood fans does it take to change a light bulb? > > A. Seven - one to change it, five to moan about it and make > excuses and Mick Malthouse to say that if the umpire had done > his job in the first place the light bulb would never have > gone out. > > ====================== > > Q. What's the difference between a female Collingwood > fan and a Pit > bull? > > A. Lipstick > > ====================== > > Q. Santa Claus , the tooth fairy , an intelligent Collingwood > fan, and an old drunk are walking down the street together > when they simultaneously spot a $100.00 note. Who gets it? > > A. The drunk, of course ; the other three are mythical creatures. > > ======================= > > > > Q. What is black and brown and looks good on a Collingwood > Fan? A. A Doberman. > > ======================= > > Q. What do Collingwood Fans use for birth control ? > A. Their personalities. > > ======================= > > Q. What is the difference between an Collingwood Fan and a > trampoline? > > A. You take off your shoes to jump on a > trampoline. > > ======================= > > Q. What do you call 5000 dead Collingwood Fans at the bottom > of the ocean? A. A good start. > > ======================= > > A Collingwood fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in > his Collingwood jumper. He knocks on the old pearly gates and > out walks St Peter in a St Kilda scarf. "Hello, mate," says > St Peter, "I'm sorry, no Collingwood fans in heaven." "What?" > exclaims the man, astonished. "You heard. No Collingwood > fans." "But, but, but, I've been a good man," replies the > Collingwood supporter. "Oh, really?" says St Peter. "What > have you done then?" "Well," says the guy, "three weeks > before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the starving children in > Africa." "Oh," says St Peter. "Anything else?" "Well, two > weeks before I died, I also gave 20 bucks to the homeless." > "Hmmm. Anything else?" "Yeah. A week before I died, I gave > 20 bucks to the Albanian orphans." "Okay," says St Peter, > "you wait here a minute while I have a word with the > governor." Ten minutes pass before St Peter returns. He > looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with > God and he agrees with me. Here's your sixty bucks back, now > get lost."