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Chuck Norris

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by rb30gtr, Aug 4, 2009.

  1. Chuck Norris can drown a fish

    Chuck norris can slam a revolving door

    Chuck Norris does not hunt. The word Hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

    Chuck Norris was originally cast as the lead character in the TV series 24, but was replqaced by the procuders when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes 37 seconds.

    Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face in the world. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite him holding just a Joker, a get out of jail free card, a 7 of spades, a 3 of clubs and a green #4 Uno card.

    Chuck Norris puts the 'laughter' in 'manslaughter'.

    Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune, and was the first to spin. The next 29 mins of the show consisted of everyone standing around waiting for the wheel to stop.

    When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, hes telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

    Giraffs were created when Chuck Norris upper-cut a horse.

    Chuck Norris doesn't know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

    Chuck Norris has only one hand - the upper hand.

    When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

    Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
  2. Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

    If you take Chuck Norris from Chuck Norris you are left with Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is greater than the sum of his parts.

    If you have $50 and Chuck Norris has $50, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

    If you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you only have seconds to live.
  3. Chuck Norris can't believe this has been reposted yet again!
  4. I want to know what happens when Chuck Norris an Jack Bower clash.

    Or better still, what happens when they breed.
  5. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
    Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
    Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
    Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
    Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
    Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
    Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
    Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
    Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
  6. Hmm an uppercut that will be shown from 200 different angles and take 24 hours to finally hit :?:
  7. chuck norris can play russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and win
  8. #8 brownyy, Aug 4, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 13, 2015


    Just remember; there's only one person that can kill Chuck Norris, and thats the FwsntHcWiy4[/media]]TechnoViking!!!
  9. Not true.

  10. Chuck Norris doesnt get bankrupted, he ruptures banks!
  11. When people see the Grim Reaper, they know death is apon them.

    When the Grim Reaper sees Chuck Norris, he knows death is apon him.
  12. Chuck would win on a technicality. Jack is ALWAYS on provisional status.
  13. You have destroyed my childhood hero for me!
    Well actually not really, I always suspected he was a twat. Just not THIS MUCH of one.
    Intelligent Design my ass Chuck.
  14. He looks good bald too.