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Chairman's new helmet - male menopause in action

Discussion in 'Riding Gear and Bike Accessories/Parts' started by Chairman, Oct 11, 2006.

  1. Over the past year I've traded in my trusty Levis 501s for leather pants, upgraded my nasty SR500 to the far more socially acceptable SZR660, complemented my 15yo leather jacket with a textile DriRider and started to wear earplugs. Lets face it - I'm getting old.

    Those who know my current helmet will attest that it is a little tired. It was a gift from an old friend - himself a rider - who lost two sons in separate bike accidents and I've worn it for its sentimental value, because it's protective value is zero. The buckle and strap both show signs of repair, it has almost no padding (but a lovely quilted liner) and, techincally, it isn't missing its Standards sticker, because it never had one. It predates the Australian Standard. It is extremely comfortable, light and doesn't make me look like I'm wearing a halloween pumpkin on my head.

    But, I finally concede, it is time to put the old helmet out to pasture.

    Today I was wandering down Elizabeth St and I dropped in to my favorite bargain haunt, Motorcycle City, to gaze longingly at my dream helmet - one of the few I'd consider as a replacement. Rare as rockinghorse sh1t, this helmet stole my heart about 2 years ago when I first saw it, worn by a winsome blonde lass. And, despite having more facial hair and bigger tits than she, I knew it would look great on me.

    So I scoured the bike shops, searched the internet, all to no avail. Made of purest unobtainium, I couldn't find one.

    To add insult to injury, Motorcycle City had 3 - but none in my size. So, just to torture myself, I'd drop in every now and again to see if they'd spawned a baby that would fit my size "S" head.

    Today a sales-chap approached me and asked if I need help. I told him my sad story and he took pity, offering to ring the distributor. He went to the front of the shop to get a phone number off the box and, hidden behind some other boxes, there it was. Black. Matt. With "CHAIRMAN" written right across it.

    Hmmm...$199...can you do any better. In truth, there are better helmets cheaper, but this is a triumph of fashion over form and I wanted it. Now!

    Ok..$180...best we can do...done!

    And now I'm the proud owner of the exquisite Lazer Dragon, matt black and chock full of serious horn (hmm...does that make me a diquehead?).

    "Keep the box, son - I'll wear it now" I said, as I strapped the old helmet to my belt and jammed my new one on my noggin. Snapping shut the visor (oops...do goggles get redundancy pay?) I strode to my bike with an air that said "Fashion Statement!" I hopped on, pressed the button and headed off the the freeway.

    Initial observations...It doesn't try to rip my head off by lifting up and creating a jet stream that runs up my eyebrows, over my scalp, down my neck and into the collar of my jacket. It doesn't make noises like a swarm of bees inside my head. The strap doesn't pinch my skin and leave me looking like every ride ends in a love-bite, or viciously beat my pillion passenger with 18inches of flailing webbing.

    The price? Comparable with what you'd pay on Ebay or an online store to bring one from the US (where they're badged as the AGV Dragon) but this one has the standards compliance sticker.

    And of course, it looks waaaayyy cool. I love it.