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Chairman saves Australia

Discussion in 'The Pub' at netrider.net.au started by Chairman, Nov 15, 2006.

  1. That's right - and I did before breafast. So now I plan to kick back and take the rest of the day off.

    Before I'd taken the first slurp of coffee, without even a mouthful of weeties, I worked out how we're going to save this country from the problem that's plagued it for centuries.

    Here we are on the driest continent, in the middle of the worst drought since that last worst drought and our politicians are running around like headless chooks - recycled water, treated water, storm water, artesian water, water that flows uphill - a thousand complex and expensive solutions, and, in an epiphany, I found the answer that none of them could see.

    I split my time between my house and that of my girlfriend. My house is set up for me and my two kids, who live with me about 3 nights a week. My girlfriend also has two kids, both girls. I'm not suggesting for a moment that gender is an important issue - but you'll draw your own conclusions.

    My bathroom has 1 bar of soap, a scrubbing brush and a razor. End of story. You want to wash your hands? Soap. You want to wash your hair? Soap. You want to wash your spanners? Soap. Easy. (If you're going to wash spanners, I recommend washing your bolts at the same time. And your nuts)

    Her shower has thirteen - yes, thirteen - bottles of sweet-smelling goop. Shampoo for straight hair. Shampoo for brittle hair. Shampoo for hair that's been damaged by the over-use of shampoo. Conditioner for same. Exfoliant (is that like Agent Orange?) Black-head scrubber. Cuticle scrubber. Scrubber I met last week at a party (oops - where did that come from?) Rejuvenator for over-40s who want to look 16. Aging lotion for under 16's who want to buy alcohol. And body wash - which seems to be just like soap that's been left overnight in the bath and gone slimy.

    And that's just the shower. The bathroom bench has another 11 bottles of equally mysterious stuff. Parabens, emulsifiers, Ammonium Lauryl Sulfate, Cocamide DEA, ammonium xylenesulfonate, propylene glycol, 2-bromo-2-nitropropane-1,3-diol, disteardimonium chloride.

    So how is soap going to save Australia?

    The amount of water you use is directly proportional to the time you spend in the shower, and roughly proportional to the time you spend at the bathroom bench. Every extra bottle of goop you need to sort through - just to find something to wash yourself with - means that shower runs a few seconds longer. And that list of ingredients - phew - what a mouthful. I guess I have to read it, why else would the manufacturers put it there? And what if I find something unexpected - like foetal stem cells or powdered rhinocerous horn? That tiny print through bleary eyes means more precious H20 sloshed down the plughole.

    Multiply that by the number of people in the household, and by the number of showers thay take, and you'll see that every day we waste enough water the fill Sydney Harbour. (Which is a stupid measure, because it's already full).

    If the Government had any guts, they'd announce a shampoo amnesty. Hand in your plastic bottles, get soap in return. And don't tax water - tax soap alternatives. They're the real villain.

    Every extra bottle of this stuff in your bathroom is taking water out of the mouths of our children. Do the right thing. Invest in soap.
  2. Mark did you just buy soap shares? :LOL:
  3. :shock: no toothpaste, no toothbrush !!!???!!! Ewwwwwwwwwwy
  4. Razor and soap, for a pearly-white smile.
  5. Rejoice for the Chairman is back!
  6. I'm with you Chairman - REAL soap - hand crafted Extra Virgin Olive Oil ...... none of this coloured, sweet smelling trendy substitute stuff!

    But not standing inline for the razor ..... I'm a wax girl thanks :wink:
    And I kinda like that new bubbly orange flavoured toothpaste too :oops:
  7. ...I guess Chairman got so used to having his mouth washed out with soap as a kid... he doesn't need toothpaste! :LOL:

    Shaving your teeth though... um... well, it puts a whole other spin on hair of the dog... :LOL:
  8. p.s. I like the proposed water saving measures... while we're at it - how about broadening said proposal to limit each person to 1 bottle of smelly stuff? ...I must have collected 40 bottles of aftershave over the years... many unopened...

    Old spice,
    Pino Sylvestry
    Blue jeans
    Old spice
    Old spice
    ...and many more...
  9. yay for old spice lol
  10. Mark you don't post often enough, but when you do it's always worth it.

    {And my 'smelly stuff' numbers have dropped dramatically since daughter married and left here :LOL:}
  11. Yay for Chairman :beer:

    Great post BTW, it's good to start the day off with a laugh :grin:
  12. have to agree with chairman

    i have

    1 razor, a bar of soap, shampoo, and "Funk-off" as i call it. (deoderant)

    the mrs has same as above only about 3 different deoderants, 6 perfumes (at least) about 4 shampoos and a myriad assortment of hangers on that i don't care to worry about.

    She smells the same no matter what combination she used so i think i could reduce it all by at least 1/2 with no detrimental effects....... other than sleeping in the shed with the bike. :LOL:

    at a mates work (meat processing works) they recently asked for suggestions to save water.

    his ideas were

    1. Ban coffee in the office
    2. install pit toilets
    3. stop all hygene and health procedures invlolved with production

    He also said that if no 1. was implemeted he was resigning :LOL: (he's one of the shipping administrators and works in the office)

    for his efforts he was given a water saver washer for his shower at home. :LOL:
  13. :rofl:

    Love yer work chairman...
  14. hey, it could be worse :wink: she wouldn't complain about how much time you spend working on or cleaning your bike :cool:
  15. Chairman, I have a wife and a 17yo daughter, and I am frankly puzzled as to how you managed to see the inside of the bathroom at all? We have two, but I still end up shaving in the kitchen sink....
  16. ... and bleeding gums. I'd be a dentist's dream as soon as he saw me stagger into his waiting room.

    Anyhow, couldn't you take your idea further? Why not just not shower for a few days? You'd be a conservationists poster boy if you could swing that and the hero of every truckie out there.
    I can just see the poster now - picture of a truckie with huge sweat stains under his pits and a big grin, pointing an Uncle Sam style finger out at the viewer with the caption "Do it." :p
  17. What if instead:

    We just made salt a mandatory ingredient in all those products, then collect all the water that goes down the drain, filter it of visible debris, and use solar powered electrodes to break down the salt to treat the water with the resultant chloride ions. The water is then recycled back through the water heater [parallel to standard water heating coil so it does not come into contract with drinking water) back to the shower head.

    Then it doesn't matter how long you spend in the shower - you're using the same water.

    (obviously there'll be a lower level float top-up valve for water being taken out of the system on bodies and in hair).

    ... or the easier way would be on-demand gas water heaters in all households timed to deliver only 10 mins of hot water once every 45 minutes during pm hours.
  18. Sorry chairman but you’ve got it wrong, feminine hygiene & presentation is more important than water, let the whole country go to dust & ruin, it’s a better option than the stench of baccala :shock:
  19. you haven't seen the shed..... damp dirt floor, no lighting, cold.... only good thing about it is that it keeps the bike safe.

    could be worse...... could live where ther is NO shed....... :evil: