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blonde jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by es, Aug 3, 2005.

  1. Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

    She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude". With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”

    As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON, I WON!” She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded.

    Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching".

    MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
    There is a factory in America which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm. Anew employee is hiredat the factory and starts at 0800. The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new blonde employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
    When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.. At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red
    fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of
    hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman.
    "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,"but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday"......"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles".
  2. both have been posted b4 but still funny :D :D :)
  3. yeah thats why I posted 2, wasnt sure if they were on here before... I have stacks :p

    a blond, a redhead, and a brunette were discussing their children when suddenly the brunette blurted out, "I can't believe it, I found beer in my daughter's room. She's been drinking!" The redhead replied, "That's nothing, I was so surprised when I found pot in my daughter's dresser. She smokes weed!" The blond mother looked at them both and said, "That's nothing! Yesterday I found condoms in my daughter's purse. I never knew she had a penis!"
    An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing
    construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going
    to jump off this building."

    The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If
    I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

    The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna
    sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

    The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
    cabbage, and jumped to his death.

    The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

    The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his
    death as well.

    At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

    The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

    (Oh this is GOOD!!)

    Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife
    said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."