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Bill Hicks Humour, Language Warning.

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Big Chris, Jun 9, 2005.

  1. Hey all,
    Not everyone is a fan of the man, but those who are,
    here are some quotes.

    Bill is De man.
    Now lets here from Bill


    See I think drugs have done some good things for us. If you don't think drugs have done good things for us then do me a favor. Go home tonight and take all of your records,tapes and all your CD's and burn them. Because, you know all those musicians who made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years? Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreal fcuking high on drugs, man.
    - Bill Hicks


    They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fcuking effort. There is a difference.
    - Bill Hicks

    Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is mearly energy condensed through a slow vibration, we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, life is only a dream and we are the imaginations of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather.
    - Bill Hicks


    The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride... And we... kill those people.
    - Bill Hicks

    Some stuff from Bill.

    PS will post some good smoking quotes, esp from Revelations.
  2. Oh i love ol Bill. I wonder if he's still doing the "suck your own cock" joke for his audiences in the after life :p

    Bill your my hero!!
  3. Bill Hicks is such a legend.. Anyway one thing that always instantly pops to mind (besides EVERYTHING he does is)

    "By the way if anyone here is in advertising or marketing... kill yourself. No, no, no it's just a little thought. I'm just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day, they'll take root - I don't know. You try, you do what you can. Kill yourself. Seriously though, if you are, do. Aaah, no really, there's no rationalisation for what you do and you are Satan's little helpers, Okay - kill yourself - seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good, seriously.

    No this is not a joke, you're going, "there's going to be a joke coming," there's no fcuking joke coming. You are Satan's spawn filling the world with bile and garbage. You are fcuked and you are fcuking us. Kill yourself. It's the only way to save your fcuking soul, kill yourself. Planting seeds. I know all the marketing people are going, "he's doing a joke”... there's no joke here whatsoever. Suck a tail-pipe, fcuking hang yourself, borrow a gun from a friend - I don't care how you do it. Rid the world of your evil fcuking machinations. I know what all the marketing people are thinking right now too, "Oh, you know what Bill's doing, he's going for that anti-marketing dollar. That's a good market, he's very smart." Oh man, I am not doing that. You fcuking evil scumbags! "Ooh, you know what Bill's doing now, he's going for the righteous indignation dollar. That's a big dollar. A lot of people are feeling that indignation. We've done research - huge market. He's doing a good thing." Godammit, I'm not doing that, you scum-bags! Quit putting a godamm dollar sign on every fcuking thing on this planet!

    "Ooh, the anger dollar. Huge. Huge in times of recession. Giant market, Bill's very bright to do that." God, I'm just caught in a fcuking web! "Ooh the trapped dollar, big dollar, huge dollar. Good market - look at our research. We see that many people feel trapped. If we play to that and then separate them into the trapped dollar..." How do you live like that? And I bet you sleep like fcuking babies at night, don't you?"
  4. Fluffy,
    I bet if he was it would be followed by
    "The eat the p*ssy sketch"
    Cause his mumma was so proud of those sketches.
  5. what a champ

    I take it you like Tool? His stuff is in one of the albums..
  6. Manny,

    TOOL kick *ss,
    and did give much respect to Bill in to of their albumn covers,

    "Tool openly expressed their gratitude for what Bill Hicks was doing in their Undertow album and gave a solemn, somber farewell to Hicks in their follow-up album Ænima featuring a f*cked up picture of Hicks as a doctor doing a check-up on a hysterical patient with his mutated third eye completely fcuking squeegied. The caption: “Bill Hicks… Another Dead Hero.” Hicks even introduced the band at Lollapalooza in the summer of ’93 in L.A."

  7. the hidden track in undertow is awesome
    " Disgustipated"

    And the angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber. And took me on high, and higher still until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself. And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own midwest. And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil. One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear. And terror possesed me then. And I begged, "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?" And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust." And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared, "Hear me now, I have seen the light! They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!" Can I get an amen? Can I get a hallelujah? Thank you Jesus.

    Life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on........

    This is necessary.

    It was daylight when you woke up in your ditch. You looked up at your sky then. That made blue be your color. You had your knife there with you too. When you stood up there was goo all over your clothes. Your hands were sticky. You wiped them on your grass, so now your color was green. Oh Lord, why did everything always have to keep changing like this. You were already getting nervous again. Your head hurt and it rang when you stood up. Your head was almost empty. It always hurt you when you woke up like this. You crawled up out of your ditch onto your gravel road and began to walk, waiting for the rest of your mind to come back to you. You can see the car parked far down the road and you walked toward it. "If God is our Father," you thought, "then Satan must be our cousin." Why didn't anyone else understand these important things? You got to your car and tried all the doors. They were locked. It was a red car and it was new. There was an expensive leather camera case laying on the seat. Out across your field, you could see two tiny people walking by your woods. You began to walk towards them. Now red was your color and, of course, those little people out there were yours too.