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Best Outlook 'Out Of Office' Messages

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Lazy Libran, Aug 1, 2011.

  1. 1.I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

    2.You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

    3.Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctors having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

    4.I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

    5.Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

    6.The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

    7.Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

    8.Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

    9.I've run away to join a different circus.

    10.I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as Kate instead of Dave
  2. I chuckled.
  3. me too !!
  4. I especially liked no. 6
  5. ..Number 9 would be suitable here!!.... 8-[
  6. Will be using some (if not ALL) of those!
  7. I recently left
    My job. And set mine.

    For pronto issues email x at x.com
    For general it issues y at x.com

    For daddy issues me at gmail.com

  8. Damn, I'd get into SO much trouble using those.

    But geez, I'm tempted.
  9. hahaha got a good giggle out of these
  10. I liked Number 10.


  11. Number 6 is good, wish I had of thought of that. Instead I did two things when I left my last company in melbourne;

    1) out of office reply was; "I'm on Leave Without Pay for a while. If you have any issues for the Commissioning team; oh well."

    Pre-text for 2)
    On the last day of my 3 month probation with my company I discovered the Network NetSend message's were still active. FYI not knowing what they are; its a DosPromt typed command that displays a windows popup message on the target user's screen, regardless of what program they are running. However, if you change the target users address/username to * (star) it sends it to everyone on the network. I thought it was only doing the melbourne office at the time (600 people), apparently according to IT, it was global, and all computers logged onto the network were receiveing in world wide - including site offices and oil rigs. However I didn't know this. So I pretty much started sending a global message to my boss 1 desk partition over, telling him to do some work etc etc. It was 5minutes of laughter for me while him and a few others were very confused. Then he got a call from the Australian Manager who chewed him out, and shit flowing down hill, etc etc. My boss copped flake for it for a few months. IT got up me and I recieved emails and phone calls from people all day about it.

    In the months leading up to my leaving, I told my boss I'd been sending him a lovely message that he would enjoy.

    2) Send out the same NetSend message, reading; "Here's the ultimate reply all Gordon!! Bon Voyage!!".


    It came up on everyone's screen, those around me knew what I was doing and laughed, and my Boss instantly called me up laughing. IT on the other hand wasn't, they are a 24hr call center in Aberdeen, and were flooded with emails and calls with users reporting "a strange pop up message". They inturn called me, and the work phones have caller ID. However when someone from OS calls, they display private number. This was the conversation;

    Me; "Hello (still laughing at this entire ordeal)".

    IT; "Hi is that Matt Brown, user psn6974 (Irish accent)".
    **friend of mine in the office is Irish and likes to play pranks**

    Me; "Yeah, is this James?" (mind you phone line quaility has lag)

    IT; "I'm just calling up investigating an incident with the computers involving a pop-up message."

    Me; "Haha James nice one, pretty fukn funny hey, I sent it to the Global network like I did a few years ago. Boss was laughing but it pissed a few people off. How did everyone respond on your level?"

    IT; "This isn't James, this is I.T. How did you send that message?"

    Me; "haha f-off James, I know its you. Yeah it was just a NetSend command in Dos, I can come up and show you if you like, it's easy. Pisses off IT too, last time they cracked it big time when I did it, haha."

    IT; "This isn't JAMES, THIS IS I.T., in Aberdeen!!"

    Me; "Fuck. Really?"

    IT; "Yes. Your message has confused a lot of users, and IT is currently flooded with calls and emails reporting a Strange pop-up message."

    Me; "Arrrr right. Ok, well, don't worry, I won't send anymore, this is my last day, and now I'm off to the pub. Cya!!"

    **Hangs up phone, pulls powercord out to my phone and computer**

    Last I heard of it.

    But now that I know point 6 above, I reckon I might try that next time I get access to a terminal.

    FYI netsend;

    --Go to DosPromt (windows machines on XP, not sure about newer operating systems)
    --Type; "Net Send * This is my message"
    --Hit Enter.
    Change * to a computer's name on the network to target one user only. * sends it to everyone on the Network.

    ENJOY!!! :D
  12. To the best of my knowledge, netsend is netbios messaging which isn't a routable protocol so it would only go to computers on the same subnet.
  13. Haha Browy, I got in so much trouble with netsend in highschool, I never found out how far my message went tho, Im guessing very high :p

    Another time I figured out to save it as a batch file and name it "click here for something funny!" and drop it into the common folder, half an hour later a message pops up on my screen and five mins after that can hear a dumb year 7 kid getting chewed out upstairs :)

    Good times.
  14. Interesting; IT was harping onto me the first time it affected everyone. I can definatly confirm it affected everyone in the Melbourne offices :D
    Knowing this I can now rebuttal IT and say it's only affecting Melbourne... :? Hehe

    I still want to use the "shutdown and restart" one though.

    -posting on phone; spelling likely fukd
  15. It would be awesome to do the shutdown and restart one on a helpdesk address.... hehehe....

    Unfortunately helpdesk is a long way behind me....but maybe I could convince one of the youngsters!