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Best come back line EVER!! [Warning:Lewd Joke]

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by N1GH7-R1D3R, May 16, 2006.

  1. Either very sick or very very quick witted. This was apparently in the
    Washington Post .. the title of the article was "Best Come Back Line Ever."
    In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male
    resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday.
    Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public
    and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

    The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided
    to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside,and there was no
    one around for miles. At least I thought there wasn't, he stated in a phone
    interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the
    picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole
    in it,
    and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."
    "Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident
    In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County
    police car
    approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor
    pproached him. "That was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said
    Officer Taylor.
    "I walked up to Lawrence and he's...just pumping away at this pumpkin."
    Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.
    "I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that
    you're having sex with a pumpkin?"."

    He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then
    looked me straight in the face and said,
    "Pumpkin? F**k me, is it midnight already?"

  2. :rofl: Yeah thats a good comeback.

    Whats with people having sex with weird objects :? i read the other day some guy had to go to hospital for burns after having sex with a hot apple pie :LOL:
  3. :eek:wned:

    Classic! What a 'come'back :oops:
  4. hahhaha thats gold!! I bet the judge had a good laugh about that.
  5. So....before midnight he was f**king a carriage?
  6. a very beautiful carriage

  7. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    That's funnier than the joke! :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  8. Nahh this is the best come back line ever

    A plane to Chicago has been cancelled and there's a long line in front of the counter where people are waiting to get rescheduled on other flights. A tall, important-looking man, strides up the desk, right past the whole line, and right on the desk slaps down his hand and says “I need first class on the next plane to Chicago!” The woman behind the desk says, "I'll be glad to help you sir, but you are going to have to wait in line. I'm sure we can take care of you.” He says, "Do you know who I am?" She immediately picks up a microphone (you could hear her voice throughout the airport) and says "There's a man at gate 14 who does not know who he is. If anybody knows who he is, will you please come to gate 14." Well, the whole line was laughing uproariously, and the man said, "fcuk you!" Whereupon the woman smiles and says, "I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to wait in line for that too!"

  9. :roses:

    Thankyou, thankyou, I'll be here all night, be sure and tip your waitress.
  10. :applause: ROFL Fuggin hilarious!!! :rofl:
  11. nice joke... !!! :LOL:
  12. On the topic of comebacks
    how is this one
    Subject: FW: Policeman testifies in court....................

    If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp
    as this policeman.

    He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial.
    The lawyer was

    trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....

    Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

    A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description
    of the offender, running several blocks away."

    Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

    A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

    Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender.
    Do you trust your fellow officers?"

    A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

    Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room
    where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

    A: "Yes sir, we do!"

    Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

    A: "Yes sir, I do."

    Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

    A: "Yes sir."

    Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your
    life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with
    these same officers?"

    A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and
    sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

    The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

    The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best
    Comeback" line -- and we think he'll win.