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Barry Dawson - The Cougar Burboun Man

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by matti-san, Jun 20, 2007.

  1. Barry Dawson once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

    Barry Dawson's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Barry Dawson.

    Barry Dawson can speak Braille.

    When Barry Dawson exercises, the machine gets stronger.

    Barry Dawson doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

    Barry Dawson can kill two stones with one bird.

    Barry Dawson can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

    Barry Dawson once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

    Barry Dawson is the only man ! to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Barry Dawson once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

    Barry Dawson once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Barry Dawson won by 5.

    Barry Dawson once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

    When Barry Dawson has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay . It will be because he has run out of women.

    For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Barry Dawson, each testicle is larger than the other one.

    Barry Dawson ordered a Big Mac at Red Rooster, and got one.

    It takes Barry Dawson 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

    Barry Dawson doesn't believe in New Zealand.

    Barry Dawson can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

    Barry Dawson ! recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

    In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of Australian women lost their virginity to Barry Dawson. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

    Barry Dawson invented the internet... just so he had a place to store his p0rn .

    One day Barry Dawson walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

    When Barry Dawson plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

    Barry Dawson qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

    Shane Watson is allowed to live because Barry Dawson doesn't kill women.

    When Barry Dawson goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Barry Dawsoned.

    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Barry Dawson.

    Barry Dawson counted to infinity - twice.

    When Barry Dawson does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

    Barry Dawson hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

    Barry Dawson gave Mona Lisa that smile.

    Barry Dawson can slam a revolving door.

    Barry Dawson's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

    Superman owns a pair of Barry Dawson pyjamas.

    Barry Dawson owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

    Barry Dawson doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

    Once a cobra bit Barry Dawson's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

    Barry Dawson divides by zero.

    Barry Dawson is always on top during sex because Barry Dawson never f # cks up.

    Barry Dawson once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.

    The only time Barry Dawson was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake
  2. ROFL some new ones in there though :LOL:
  3. total rip off! everyone knows DuHAST is the one who does all that stuff!
  4. I got sent that as an email recently. And I was saying "hey aren't they all the Chuck Norris one's?". There are a few more gems that have been added to it though.

    Even funnier is one of my mates is called Barry and his nick name is now "The Cougar". Poor bugger as if being called Barry wasn't bad enough, he even looks a bit like the cougar too. :LOL:
  5. who's barry dawson, the cougar bourban man? i'm guessing he must be the guy used on bourban ads - like the diet coke man but less pretty and more action perhaps?? :?

    some good lines though - they remind me of ken (movin) :LOL:
  6. Search and replace FTW... :roll:
  7. :?
  8. CTRL + F in MS Word (and others)
  9. Actually i think its CTRL + H ;)

    And yeah, rip off of chuck noris.. love his version... cos i know who he is...
  10. Some people like to split hairs :roll: