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Bad pick up lines

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by es, Oct 25, 2005.

  1. I found it very hard to believe that there was no bad pick up lines thread here; but I couldnt find any with the serch functiuon

    Damn I wish you were my homework, so I could do you on the table

    If you were a booger I'd pick you first.

    Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?

    "I'm not really this tall....I'm sitting on my wallet."

    You must have fallen from heaven
    That would explain how you messed up your face

    Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?

    Go up to the person and ask for their hand. Draw a line across it and
    explain that it"s a big river, and the bunny on this side (it doesn"t matter
    which side) really needs to get to the other side. Then tell the person how
    they think that bunny got across. And when they finally give up, give them
    puppy eyes and tell them that there was no bunny, but that you just wanted to hold their hand.

    Man: "Would you like to dance?" Woman:(looks at you up and down) "No thank you." Man: "Sorry, you must've misunderstood me. I said: "you look fat in those pants!"

    So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?

    So. you're a girl huh?

    When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor...so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.

    Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather
    Girl: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U

    guy:did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
    girl: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell??

    He says "Where have you been all my life"
    She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

    Guy: I would die for you...
    Girl: Prove it

    man: I'm all you've got cutie
    response: then I must not have alot

    Im not a tease !! Just a reminder of what you cant have!

    "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
    "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

    He: So what do you do for a living?
    She: Female impersonator.

    "Is this seat empty?"
    "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

    "So, wanna go back to my place?"
    "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

    "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
    "It's in the phone book."
    "But I don't know your name."
    "That's in the phone book too."

    "What sign were you born under?"
    "No Parking."

    "I know how to please a woman."
    "Then please leave me alone."

    "Haven't we met before?"
    "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

    "I want to give myself to you."
    "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

    "I can tell that you want me."
    "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you... to leave."

    "Hey, baby, What's your sign?"

    "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
    "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

    "May I see you pretty soon?"
    "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

    "Your body is like a temple."
    "Sorry, there are no services today."

    "I'd go through anything for you."
    "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

    "I would go to the end of the world for you."
    "Yes, but would you stay there?"

    "Your place or mine?"
    "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

    After hearing a pickup line:
    I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

    If you are looking at a girl and she says "What are you looking at?"
    say "I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken."

    He: Would you like to dance?
    She: Not with you.
    He: Oh, come on. Lower your standards a little, I just did.

    Q: Does beauty run in your family?
    A: It obviously doesn't in yours!

    Q: What's your name sexy?
    A: Taken!

    Q: Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?
    A: Yeah, but this time don't stop!

    Q: I think you're the best looking girl in here.
    A: Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

    He: Your legs go clear up to your ass.
    She: Most peoples' do!

    Q: Can I buy you a drink?
    A: Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

    "You look like a dream."
    Response: "Go back to sleep."

    He: What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
    She: What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

    "I can see forever in your eyes."
    Response: "But all I can see is never in yours."

    "I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included."
    Response: "Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.
  2. Boy, "Well at least I know your not two faced eh, if you were, you wouldn't be wearing that one!"
  3. My worse one (very drunk, closing time at a club):

    Me. So what's your name?
    Girl. I need to grab my jacket
    Me. Jackie, that's a nice name...
  4. My little brother used to have a 70% strike-rate with "What would a guy like me have to do, to get a kiss from a girl like you?"

    Smarmy little fecker.

    It's ok, I bashed him good when he was little...
  5. Strike rate as in cricket, baseball or upside your head?
  6. Well it appears that my stunner from yesterday has been lost in the ether, so I might give it another crack...

    Wanna Root?? No? Well do you mind bending over so I can have one?

    I probably should have let it die the slow horrible death it deserved.
  7. Tho not technically a pick up line;
    As some of you may know, I'm fairly tall.
    Now as any tall person will tell you, getting asked your height, or having your height mentioned CONSTANTLY BY EVERY DAMNED PERSON ON THE STREET can get a tad irritating.

    Now, I was out one night with some friends at a local club, and fairly pissed. I'd just gotten a round of drinks, and was about to pick them up and head back to the table.
    Up untill this point, I'd been having a really good night, except for the fact that i'd been copping the whole "How tall are you?" "Do you play basketball?" crap all night. And i mean ALL night, and it was really starting to get to me.
    Society seems to find it ok to point out obvious physical trates to only a select few. Tall being one, but others are considered completely taboo. And this is one thing that REALLY REALLY shits me. (You can probably see where this is going)
    As i was leaving the bar, i had some fairly non-descipt chick walked up to me and did the usual "Fsck your Tall!"
    And without skipping even the slights beat, i replied "Fsck your Fat!" and left.
    All i saw out of the corner of my eye, was her and all her friends just standing there completely gob-smaked, and a bunch of guys over the other side of the bar, just throw up there hands and just cheer, like you've never heard anyone cheer before.
    I walked away feeling the better man!
  8. ROTFLMAO....

    Try being a tall chick..... my standard reply to the "Fsck you tall" line from guys is .... "we are all the same height lying down honey"..then just walking away..... :LOL:....
  9. Gee guys, fcuk you two are tall...
  10. "we are all the same height lying down honey".... :LOL: :LOL: .....

    * walking away now... ignoring you*
  11. F**k your...
    hang on a sec.
    Can i get biatch slapped thru the internet?

    Anyways, i love walking up to tall chicks, and doing the 'F**k youir tall" routine, then they turn around and see all six foot seven of me, and just crack up laughing. Usually a good ice breaker.
  12. hehe thats a good one!

    but my treasuse was also eaten by the outage - "I was going to buy a vibrator... but you look alot cheaper!"
    In all the times ive used it, never failed once. :D

  13. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: yep...works damn fine for us TALL people
  14. "the only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name"

    "Can i borrow your phone?"...."Why's that??"....."So i can call your mum and thank her"

    "Your legs must be sore.... because you've been running through my mind all night"

    "My friends call me fred flinstone" Whys that?? "Cause i know how to make the bed rock"

    "You know the saying you are what you eat??...Well tomorrow i want to be you"

    Meh i'm too tired for anymore now, i'll post some up when i'm more awake and alert!!

  15. Someone yesterday posted a really great one that was their own personal line. Whoever it was please repost, or if anyone else remembers what it was...

  16. Last time this topic was going I pissed myself laughing at he line "Does this smell like clorophorm to you."

    My favorite is "Hi!, I'm Sean. how am I doing so far?
  17. I've heard this one from a mate

    "You've got a Kind face.... the kinda face I'd like to stick my dick into"
  18. LOL :)

  19. I've always liked...
    "Hey, you're not bad. Pity I'm a necrophiliac and don't find you attractive... yet *charming smile*" -J.